Homeless Heart
by Emvee
Summary: Claire and Sawyer meet again over unfortunate circumstances six years after the crash. They form a relationship that affects both of them more then they'll ever know.
1. Overcast

It was perfect weather for a funeral. He knew that would sound odd to other people, but he was always a little morbid anyway. He had experienced a sunny funeral, the two caskets being buried with the sun beating down the back of his head, his Grandma clutching his shoulder tightly. Manicured nails piercing into his soft skin. Bright red polish and way too long.

It was grey and overcast, but not raining. The kind of weather that made the sky looks endless, limitless, and impossibly big. Big was such a small word, he had heard that in a movie once. And it was true, the word big did nothing to describe the enormity of the sky. He hated it when it rained at funerals; at his uncle's funeral it had poured buckets. It just gave old ladies with bad perms to comment on how it was "God mourning too!" What a bunch of bull sht

He wasn't quite sure why he was going to the funeral. Hell he didn't go to the wedding. He had sent a waffle maker, and had regretted it as soon as he sent it in the mail. Sawyer couldn't help but shake his head at the embarrassing memory. A Fcking waffle maker, unbelievable.

He finally pulled up in front of the church; it was a quaint building with peeling white paint. He saw a line up out front, a receiving line of sorts. He took a deep breath, he wasn't sure if he was ready to see these people again. He doubted everyone was here, not everyone had stayed in Australia, but god dammit, when they landed here he wasn't about to hop another plane to get to the good ol' US of A. Screw that. Australia was just fine for him.

He heaved a sigh and climbed out of the car, dreading this moment. But he felt like he was obligated to attend this. Charlie may have been a pain in the ass but that was neither here nor there. He tried to dodge the receiving line, knowing who would be at the end. He had already seen a shock of blonde hair in his peripheral vision. He felt a hand touch his shoulder and mentally kicked himself. He glanced at a woman with heavy crow's feet, fluffy platinum blonde hair with a slightly crooked nose.

"Hello dear" she said warmly with a heavy British accent and Sawyer felt instantly guilty about trying to dodge Charlie's grieving mother. "I'm Belinda Pace" she said offering him her hand to shake and he obliged, flashing his dimples wearily. He didn't really smile too often, at the library the kids tended to stay away from him, which was just peachy with him. Kids had never been his strong point, no his strong point was closer to heavily intoxicated women. With lots of money, don't forget that.

He wasn't sure how he should introduce himself. He went by James now; he had to with a steady job. He wasn't about to commit to changing his name, and since all his papers said James Ford, that's just what he'd have to go by. "James Ford" he said, he still said it with some level of awkwardness. He was so used to Sawyer.

"Nice to meet you James" Belinda said with a small smile "And how did you know Charles?" she questioned.

Sawyer really didn't know what to say. He hated mentioning the island, it sparked unwelcome questions. He was one of the only survivors who didn't take a book deal, or get interviewed by Barbara Walters or Matt Lauer. Hell they'd have to bleep out half of what he said anyways.

"Uh we lived together for a short time" was Sawyers response. He smiled, that was actually a pretty good cover.

"Oh, was that after the" Belinda lowered her voice considerably "Divorce?" she said the last word in a hissed whisper.

Sawyer managed to nod, but furrowed his eyebrows. Claire and Charlie had gotten a divorce? Odd, he thought they would be a couple that would make it, apparently not.

Another relative approached Belinda and Sawyer felt himself being shuffled down the line. He met Charlie's father, Nigel, his Brother Liam, Liam's wife Karen. And suddenly he was face to face with her.

Her eyes positively lit up. "Oh" she said, her mouth indeed making a perfect 'O' shape. She looked exactly the same; six years hadn't changed her young face at all.

He moved to shake her hand, "Hi Claire" he said and smiled a real smile. Claire and he hadn't talked much on the island at all; sometimes he would read to her baby but that was about it. So what surprised him most was her reaction. 

She didn't shake his hand just produced a bright smile. "Handshakes are for strangers, Sawyer" she said in a teasing tone of voice and grabbed his forearm, pulling him close and threw her arms around him in a tight embrace. "It's so good to see you" she said pulling away, Sawyer was still in shock. He wasn't used to getting thrown around like a rag doll, especially not by some tiny blonde, almost a foot shorter then him.

"What are you doing these days?" she enquired, the same smile playing on her delicate features.

"Librarian" he said gruffly, he got teased a lot about his profession. People don't expect a smart ass southerner whose previous employment was cheating women and their husbands out of money to stack shelves and orchestrate puppet shows. Not that he did the latter or anything.

"That's too perfect!" Claire exclaimed and slapped his arm to punctuate the perfection somehow.

Claire glanced at the frail women next to Sawyer and said in an impossibly sweet voice "Hi Aunt Millie!" Her and Aunt Millie exchanged pleasantries and Claire turned back to Sawyer.

"Sorry about that, I guess we're blocking up the line" Claire said apologetically and Sawyer nodded moving to enter the church. He felt someone grab him once again and saw that it was Claire holding onto his arm. "I want you to find me after the service, I'm not finished with you" he nodded dumbly and she released her death grip on his bicep letting him walk into the church, but he was stopped again by two slight blonde children, one who looked six or seven and another one that he would guess would be four or five? He really wasn't good with children.

The little girl passed him a program with the same unbearably engaging smile he had just seen on Claire's face when greeting Aunt Millie. The older child, a little boy just stared at his shoes solemnly. Reminding Sawyer of another little blonde boy who had remained silent at a funeral many years ago.

He took a seat in the back pew and closed his eyes taking a deep breath, hoping to avoid any other ghosts from the past.


	2. Invitations

The service wasn't long, Liam gave a short speech and then some woman who Sawyer had never seen before, presumably an aunt read a reading, and the priest also said a few things. Sawyer was distracted at one point, by a woman with blonde hair sitting next to a man with dark curly hair. But he looked away quickly concentrating once again.

When they moved outside to lower the casket that's when the Littleton family's tears started to fall. The little girl was first. He noticed her quivering chin out of the corner of his eye. Claire scooped her up immediately and she started to cry, deep choky tears. He saw a certain wetness on Claire's face too. Aaron looked at his Mother and his Sister stone-faced but then when they actually started to lower the casket his face crumpled. "Oh come here, baby" Claire whispered and brought him against her side. He buried his face in the soft fabric of her black dress.

Sawyer was relieved when it was over. He was quickly realizing this was a big mistake. He was about to slip out the door when he heard someone call his name, "Shit" he mumbled under his breath as he turned around face to face with one of his Island rivals. "Sayid" he greeted, his lips falling into smirk territory. "Sticks" he acknowledged the blonde woman next to him wearing a black tailored suit. He let his gaze linger on her long, tanned legs.

"Unbelievable. We're at a funeral" Shannon reminded him with a roll of her eyes.

"Charlie would have wanted this" Sawyer said in mock seriousness.

Sayid heaved a sigh "Anyways, we came over because we want to invite you to our wedding. Its next month. "

Sawyer looked incredulous. "Uh why?" he enquired skeptically.

"Because even though you're a pain in the ass, we both want you to be there. We want all the islanders to be there, expect obviously Kate. Since she's locked up"

Sayid saw Sawyer flinch at the mention of Kate's name and shot him an apologetic glance which just pissed Sawyer off. He hated being pitied.

"Actually folks, Sorry I can't make it. I got plans that day" Was his response, as he fumbled in his pocket for a cigarette. Realizing he left them in his jeans he muttered "shit" under his breath.

"You're such a dumb shit, we didn't even tell you when the day was" Shannon snorted, shaking her head.

"Incase you haven't noticed sweet cheeks, we're at a funeral" he said imitating her.

"Hey Shan" a new voice was mixed in and he watched Claire walk past him and embrace the other blonde and then her fiancée. She glanced at Sawyer. "So are you going to the wedding or what?" she asked.

"Yeah he's going" Shannon answered and opened up her purse, taking out a pack of cigarettes and shaking one out. She leaned forward put it in Sawyer's mouth then lit it with a hot pink bic lighter she also withdrew from her purse. "You owe me" she said in Sawyer's direction.

A nod was his only response as he took a puff of the cigarette, held it for a moment and then exhaled.

"How are you holding up sweetie?" Shannon asked Claire, getting a cigarette for her and offered the pack to Claire; she only shook her head no.

"I'm doing well, it's the kids that I worry about" Claire said heaving a sigh. "And I broke up with Chad the week before the car accident so Aaron lost both of his male role models"

"Aw, what happened with Chad?" was Shannon's next question.

"He was getting a little possessive" Claire said and shot Shannon if-you-know-what-I-mean looks.

Sawyer glanced at Sayid who seemed to have removed himself from the conversation and was studying the church silently.

Shannon seemed to notice this and just nodded "Well we should get going, call me if you need anything" She kissed Claire on the cheek and then awkwardly pat Sawyer on the shoulder while Sayid said goodbye to Claire. He was whispering something in her ear, and she smiled and thanked him.

Sawyer and Claire stood awkwardly beside each other as they watched Shannon and Sayid go.

"Well I think I'm going to head out too" Sawyer said glancing at Claire.

"Not so fast, Cowboy" Claire said and gave Sawyer a look which stopped him dead in his traps. "I want you go come over for dinner on Friday night, okay" she said, it was more of a statement then a request like it was already written in stone.

"Uhh, I don't know" he said hesitantly, he really wanted to make his getaway. Seeing these people brought back too many memories that he had tried to forget. He thought he was successful until now.

"Please, I really want Aaron and Layla to meet you" Claire said and when this didn't look like it changed his mind "I'll make waffles" she teased.

He turned bright crimson and muttered "Jesus Christ" under his breath which caused Claire to start giggling.

"You're blushing" she said brushing a tear of mirth away from her eyes.

"It's just hot out" he said defensively.

"Sawyer, it's May in Australia, it's not that hot" she reminded him. When he didn't respond she hugged him again and said in his ear "Seven o'clock, don't be late" and then kissed his cheek "thank you for coming, Sawyer" she added before smiling at him and turning on her heal to talk to some other relative.

He followed suit heading towards his pick up truck, the same rusted one the kids teased him about at the library. He climbed in and drove away as fast as he could.

Now he had two commitments he couldn't get out of in fear of disappointing a grieving woman.

He needed a drink, and he needed one fast.


	3. Bad Directions

A/N: Hi guys! My name is Emily and this is the second story I've written. Both are Claire/Sawyer centred. However this one is post-rescue and since I started writing it last summer its quite AU (Sawyer, Michael and Jin get rescued because of the raft, Shannon is still alive, Ana who?) I have thirteen chapters written and I had been posting on a different site but I thought I would put the story here to get some more feedback. I love reviews; I don't care what your opinion is of the story just please drop by and tell me what you think of it. Things I could possibly improve on are always welcome.

Rachael14- Thank you very much for reviewing! You're my first reviewer! Yay! I hope you continue to enjoy the story!

Swedishblonde- Thank you for reviewing! Sawyer/Claire or ConMama, which is what we call them over at lost-forum, are one of my favourite ships ever!

Claire-Littleton- I want to especially thank you for dropping your two cents in but I think you misunderstood the whole waffles thing; it was probably confusing on my part. I mentioned in the first chapter that Sawyer had mailed a waffle maker to Claire and Charlie as a wedding gift. And the waffles thing wasn't a sexual innuendo on Claire's part just some good-natured teasing. I can see how you think that my Claire is a little O.C but honestly as a mother of two children under six she's used to being a little pushy. And in my opinion one of the greatest things about ConMama is giving Claire a little more spunk. I think she could hold her own.

LOSTnDomsEyes- I know Charlie is a dear, but the greatest thing about PB&J is how Charlie would fight for her, how he'd want her back. I already kind of did that in my first story and didn't really want to repeat myself. Thank you so much for dropping in to tell me what you think.

Chapter Three: Bad Directions:

He heaved a sigh, "Son of a bitch" he growled glancing down at the crinkled piece of notebook paper he was holding. He was trying to get to Claire's for dinner. But the absentminded directions she had left for him on his answering machine were no help. "Turn left at the yellow thing then straight until you see that really ugly purple house, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" He said, he was increasingly growing irritated. These had to be the worst directions ever. He kept on driving straight, hunched over at the wheel squinting for anything yellow.

Turns out Sawyer didn't really need to squint. He saw the large statue out in front of the town hall, it was yellow and abstract really was the only way to describe it. "The yellow thing!" he exclaimed and made his right. Now he was on the lookout for a really ugly purple house.

"Good lord" he said when he saw a glimpse of purple out of the corner of his eye. The house had originally been brown, but he guessed the homeowners liked lilac better. They had tried to paint over to brown but now the lavender paint was chipping causing the brown to show through. "That is one ugly house" he said and then turned off onto a street.

He stopped at a brown brick apartment building. This were Claire Littleton lived, hell he would have thought Charlie could have provided better then this. The building was a little rundown, to say the least. He walked inside and glanced for Claire's name on the wall, he pushed the button where he saw "Layla Littleton" written largely in crooked letters and then Claire and Aaron's name squeezed in the remaining space.

"Hello?" Came Claire's disjointed voice through the speaker.

"It's Sawyer" he replied.

He heard a buzz and then "Come on up then" she instructed.

He did as he was told and climbed up three flights of stairs until he found 204, rapped his knuckles against the green door twice and heard someone shout "Come in". He opened the door and when he did he was almost bowled over by the color. Most apartments were that same grey monotonous color, if you could even call it a color. Claire's kitchen was a blood red, and she stood there at the stove stirring something in a pot on the stove. Her hair was tied back and she was wearing sweatpants, he was relieved he hadn't dressed up. Since she obviously hadn't

His gaze traveled over to the living room which was pained a deep serene blue, a pigtailed little girl was flopped over on the floor, lying on her tummy, her attention was focused on the television screen. It was the Wiggles, a show he had watched once when he had a hang over. 

Down the hallway was pained a sunny shade of yellow. There were four doors and they were all closed to Sawyer couldn't venture a guess at what colors they were painted. Claire turned around a wide smile stretched across her lips. "Hey" she said and glanced at Layla in the living room. "Why don't you go watch TV with Layla while I finish dinner" she suggested, a teasing gleam in her eye.   
"Uh" Sawyer said lowering his voice considerably "I'm not exactly good with kids, Blondie"

"Layla's not a kid, she's a monkey" Claire said in her normal speaking voice. "Just go watch television; she'll do all the talking"

He complied and walked into the living room and flopped down on the sofa, bad decision. He felt like he was being eaten by the brown lumpy chesterfield. This caught the little girl's attention and she started to giggle. She stood up and joined him sitting delicately on the sofa, as if mocking him.

"Jesus" he muttered under his breath and glanced at Claire who was trying to contain a smile. She went back to stirring the spaghetti sauce in the pot.

"My name's Layla" the teensy blonde with the large cheeks told him matter-of-factly.

"Sawyer" he grumbled.

She giggled again "That's a silly name" she told him, matter-of-factly.

"Well, well, well Pigtails what would you say if I told you, you had a silly name?" Sawyer asked giving one of her pigtails a gentle pull.

"Don't!" she said sternly and he jumped but then smiled, flashing his dimples. "Ooh, you got a real bossy one here, Goldilocks" he said to Claire. 

Claire laughed shaking some kind of seasoning into the pot. "Ah a girl after my own heart" Claire said with a smile.

"You have wholes in your cheeks!" Layla observed moving closer as to get a better look at these mysterious cheek holes.

"There called dimples sticky-fingers now back off" he ordered in his commanding librarian voice, which seemingly had no effect on Layla. 

"Can I touch them?" She asked in a voice filled with wonder.

He shot Claire desperate looks who as clutching onto the kitchen counter laughing her ass off. She wiped away a tear that was trickling down her cheek and cleared her throat. "Layla, go get Aaron for supper please" she said and the little girl hopped off the couch and ran down the hallway presumably to fetch her brother. 

Sawyer heard her call "Aaron!" in a sing-songy voice. Claire smiled and began to dish supper up and set it down on the table. It was spaghetti and garlic bread and it smelled amazing. Sawyer wasn't much of a cook so most of his meals were bought at the frozen food section at the grocery store.

"Sit down" she ordered and when he did she placed a plate down in front of him, heaping with food. "You look too skinny" she told him. For a moment he just stared at the food dumbfounded until Claire sat down next to him with a considerably smaller serving.

"Some daughter you got there" he remarked.

"Told you she was a monkey" Claire said with a small smile.


	4. Unsure

Chapter Four: Unsure

The conversation flowed naturally at the dinner table. Mainly thanks to Layla, she had a mouth on her that's for sure. She was updating her Mother on the status of Phillip and Rebecca's relationship, two of her Barbie's.

Sawyer's attention was drawn to the sullen little boy who hadn't said a word yet. Claire seemed to notice this too and smiled at Layla fondly. "Sounds interesting, darling" and then glanced at Aaron. "How was school today Babe?" she asked, taking a forkful of spaghetti.

"Ben Stevenson made fun of me" Aaron said, concentrating on his plate. That was also something Sawyer was familiar with. The playground taunts that followed him everywhere in his juvenile years.

"Why'd he do that?" Claire asked, trying to keep her voice light but it wasn't the same anymore, even Layla noticed this.

"We said you were a slut because you worked at Finnegan's" Aaron said finally glancing up from his plate of half-eaten spaghetti and looked directly at Claire. Her expression was stony.

Sawyer's was surprised. He had once frequented Finnegan's; Claire must have been relatively new. It wasn't a strip club. Just a dingy pub where the women waitresses wore short skirts and low cut tops. Sawyer knew the Finnegan woman, and Claire sure wasn't it. They were usually in there thirties, hard women. With sad pasts, botched tattoos and white eye shadow.

"What's a slut?" Layla asked brightly and Claire's gaze snapped to Layla. She almost looked like she was going to scream at the four year old; instead she took a deep breath.

"A slut is a not very nice word for women who dress like I do at work all the time and date lots of men" Claire said delicately. Claire met his eyes across the table and allowed a small smile to pass along her lips at his obvious astonishment.

"But that's not fair Mommy, you don't even like that skirt" Layla remarked, spaghetti sauce slathered across her mouth, giving her a tomato beard of sorts.

"I know, sweet pea" she said and reached for a napkin wiping Layla's face off. Her maternal instincts were amazing, Sawyer decided. She just knew what to do without thinking about it. "Maybe I should just go to the school and talk to your principal"

Aaron opened his mouth to protest but the guest of honor spoke before he could, for the first time since they had sat down at the dinner table. Aaron was surprised by his accent, a southern one like you heard on television.

"You don't wanna do that, just make it worse" he stated then took a long sip from the bottle of beer Claire had offered him.

Sawyer felt uncomfortable as Claire and Aaron both looked at him surprised. Aaron nodded his head once, seemingly agreeing with him. Claire just smiled. "Okay, we'll give it some time" She said.

Sawyer finished eating miraculously. About halfway through he thought he couldn't do it, but somehow he managed. He was sure he gained at least a few pounds. Hey he didn't mind, it was the best thing he had eaten in years.

"Do you want anymore?" Claire asked with a small smile, gathering up their plates.

"Are you trying to kill me, woman?" he asked with a shake of his head and she laughed.

"I'm sorry, but you just looked way too skinny" she said standing up and rinsing off the plates and putting them in an ancient looking dishwasher. Sawyer rose to help and Claire shot him a death glare. "Sit" she barked and Sawyer smirked and shook his head no.

"Don't make me bring out the big guns" she said with a smirk of her own.

"Ooh I'm really shakin' in my boots, Cinderella" he said crossing his arms over his chest. "Whatcha gonna do, force feed me brownies?"

"Layla" Claire said sweetly looking past Sawyer to her daughter still sitting in her chair at the supper table. "Maybe you could show Sawyer your room and I'm sure he'd like to play with you" She suggested in the same saccharine voice.

"No way" Sawyer said sternly and Layla just smiled approaching Sawyer and took his large calloused hand in her soft small one and forcefully lead him down the hall way to her hot pink bedroom.

"Okay, I'll be Angela and you are Chelsea" the bossy voice of her four year old daughter drifted through the half open door. "But you have to be careful because her head falls off real easy"

"No way in hell, pigtails" Came the southern drawl "I'm not playin' Barbie's with a sniffling two year old"

"I'm four and half" She heard her daughter reply icily.

Aaron glanced at his Mother who was smiling fondly and cleaning the spaghetti pot. "Are you dating him?" he asked interested. Most of his Mother's boyfriend's were all the same. Four letter names, mostly men she met at the bar. They would play Barbie's with Layla no questions asked, to get on their good sides. Paul, Mark, Nate, Chad. He pretended to like them to please his Mother. But he knew the truth; he knew his Dad had broken his Mom's heart. And no four letter-name guy was going to change that.

"No just friends, he was on the island with me and your daddy" she said and turned to smile at Aaron. "Why? Do you like him?" she asked with interest.

"I don't know" Aaron said truthfully. "He's not like the rest" he added, hopping up on the kitchen counter as he watched his Mother clean up the kitchen.

"Now you'd be hard pressed to find another man like Sawyer" she said and turned to look at Aaron. "Babe, do you want to talk about Daddy?" she asked, tilting her head to the side slightly, ponytail sweeping over her shoulder. She always cocked her head to the side when she was really listening. It was a move he recognized, usually paired with a simple question like "How was school?" or "Did you clean your room?".

"No" he said looking down at his socked feet. His mother had gone through a sewing phase and embroidered a star on all the ankles of his socks in blue thread, a heart in pink thread of Layla.

"I want to talk to someone about your Daddy" Claire said simply "Layla and I talk and it makes me feel better, will you talk to me soon about him. I think it would really make me feel better"

He nodded; he was a Momma's boy through and through. He would do anything she asked of him, because he knew she only wanted the best for him. Aaron was at the top of his class in school and was extremely intelligent, he knew things that six year old's didn't quite grasp.

"Good" she said and planted a kiss on his forehead. Claire opened her mouth to say something more but then a loud voice cut through the silence.

"No I'm the fairy princess!" Claire heard Layla explain and she and Aaron exploded in giggles.

"I don't wanna be the damn fairy princess!" Sawyer retorted loudly which sent Claire and hysterics and had her scampering off to the bathroom.

Aaron became suddenly nervous when he saw Sawyer come out of Layla's room, a frown evident on his features. He probably wasn't too happy with his Mother and him laughing at his expense.

He reached for his beer and took a big swig of it. Aaron looked at the floor trying to contain his laughter.

"It's okay, kid" Sawyer said finally which caused Aaron to look up in surprise "You can laugh at me, hell everyone else does"

Aaron felt himself smile and decided that his mother's new friend was an improvement at the very least.


	5. Jack

Chapter Five: Jack

Sawyer was quickly realizing how hectic it would be having children. Seeing Claire race around trying to get Layla in her bed was tiring to watch, he couldn't actually imagine chasing the four year old around the house. He wasn't quite sure why all children resisted bed and the bathtub.

Claire sighed coming out of Layla's room looking exhausted, her hair was coming loose from her ponytail and she looked slumped over. "You should try that sometime, it's a real workout" she advised with a small smile as she walked towards the kitchen, pulling a chair over from the table and standing on it as she rooted through her cupboard above the stove.

"Well I think I'm going to hit the road" Sawyer said, rising from his spot on the lumpy sofa and moving towards the door. "Thanks for dinner"

"I guess it will be just me and Jack then" Claire said seemingly finding what she was looking for.

"Excuse me?" he said sounding startled. What the fuck were her and Jack going to be doing?

She turned to look at him and grinned. "Not Jack the doctor" she said shaking her head. "I meant my good pal Jack Daniels" she said showing him the bottle. "After that conversation at dinner, I need a drink" she said and retrieved a bottle of coke from the fridge. "Anyways, get your ass over here and give me a hug before you leave" she commanded and he looked uncomfortable, eyes still fixed on the whiskey. "Shameless, now you don't want to leave now that I have alcohol" she teased and brought over two glasses and the whiskey and coke over to the table.

"Park it, Cowboy" she said motioning to the chair and he complied reaching for the whiskey and pouring himself and Claire suitable servings before adding the coke. "Cheers" she said and clinked her glass against his before taking a sip. "Ah, yes Jack and I have shared a few nights together after the divorce"

"Didn't take you for an alkie, Hon" he said taking a sip.

"I'm not" she snapped "It was just a rough period in my life" she stated. They sat in silence for a minute or so, Claire just nursing her drink and staring at the bottle of whiskey. "So James Ford" she said finally glancing up at him "care to elaborate on your alias?" she enquired.

He shook his head "Nope" he said simply. He'd need some more whiskey in him before breaking that story out. He knew she must have somehow figured out his real name to find his number in the phone book like she told him she did on his answering machine when she had left the problematic directions.

"Lindie told me" She said simply pouring herself another drink.

"Lindie?" he asked incredulously. He didn't know any Lindies that's for sure.

"Belinda Pace, Charlie's mother" she answered with a small smile. "Quite taken with you" she added with a mischievous smile.

"Get that shit eating grin off of your face" he grumbled and Claire snickered. "Tell you what Goldilocks; if you tell me why you and dear old Charles split I'll give you the details about my sordid past" he said with a smirk before draining the rest of the liquid in his glass.

"Done" Claire said and Sawyer was surprised, he would have figured Claire would have liked to keep that quiet. She seemed like a private person, hell he hadn't seen her face on the cover of people magazine like Shannon's or Jack's. In fact he was sure she hadn't done any publicity about the island. Just like him. She ran her finger around the rim of the glass as she started. "Charlie had an addictive personality, he was addicted to music and then heroin" Sawyer knew this part; Charlie's drug problem had come out on the island during the third month. "And I think that he was addicted to me and the kids for awhile but after Layla was born that started to wear off. He wanted to travel, see the world. Go sky diving and hang-gliding" she said this with a bitter laugh; it didn't suit her he decided. She drank the rest of her glass. "Then he got addicted to other things, traveling, other women" she said this with a rueful smile.

When Sawyer was a boy he thought he'd like to get married, have a dozen kids, and live in the country. Live a simple life, do things that made him happy. He always pictured his wife in a lazy sundress, a woman who didn't let the little things get to her. Who was always barefoot. A woman, he was quickly realizing like Claire. But he chastised himself, he didn't want that anymore. It was the thoughtless ramblings of a boy desperate for a home.

"The island and this, real life" she said motioning to the kitchen as if her cramped apartment kitchen encompassed the whole wide world. "are so different. You find that your different people away from that environment" she said softly, a small sad smile playing on her taut lips.

They sat quietly, a blanket of awkward stillness draped over the pair. "Your turn" Claire said in a sing-song voice and refilled her glass.

"My Momma had taken up with a man; turns out he was a confidence man. Stole all our money my old man got pissed shot my momma then turned the gun on himself" Sawyer recited this off with a practiced detachedness. Claire's eyes widened considerably and he smirked pouring himself another drink and then topping off her glass.

"Where were you?" she wanted to know. She said these words carefully, almost choking on the last one.

"Under the bed" his voice betrayed him, he didn't sound impassive. His voice held a certain melancholic tone to it.

"Jesus" he heard Claire mutter. She gathered up the whiskey and coca-cola bottles and returned them to there rightful places. She then yanked his glass out of his grip and dumped the rest of the liquid down the sink and did the same with her. "Alcohol only multiplies your problems" she told him and he rolled his eyes.

"Hey honey, I'm not the one with the Jack Daniels hidden away" he said rising to his feet and Claire made a face at him disappearing down the hallway. Sawyer reached for his worn sneakers and slipped them on, not bothering to do anything with the shoelaces.

Claire returned from where she had been a stack of blankets in her hands and shook her head. "You've gotta be shitting me if you think I'm letting you drive after drinking"

"Hey, I'm not a lightweight, I can handle it" Sawyer said and suddenly felt very intimidated when Claire approached him, hand outstretched.

"Keys now" she demanded backing him up against a corner.

He just shook his head but Claire surprised him yet again and reached in the pocket of his blue jeans before he could object and yanked out his keys. He watched dumbfounded as she put them in the back pocket of her pants and Sawyer just smirked. "Have it your way Blondie, but I'm getting my keys" he reached around to reach for her pocket but she slapped his hand away.

"Not if you want to keep that hand your not" she said then walked over to the sofa and started making a makeshift bed. He had to admit it looked tempting and when he didn't comply when she motioned for him to get on the sofa. She heaved a sigh and grabbed onto his arm forcefully shoving him onto the couch and yanking off his shoes and socks. He just scowled and settled down into the chesterfield, she put a pillow behind his head and he kind of had to admit he liked being taken care of.

"Okay you're all set" she said and draped a blanket over top of him.

"Aw, you ain't joining me, sweetness?" he asked with his signature sneer.

"Whoa ho" she said with a grin and smoothed his hair back like he was one of her own children. "You really are toasted" she said and shook her head. "Sweet dreams" she said. He felt his eyelids getting heavy and finally gave into sleep.

--

He awoke to a raucous noise created by a television and a little girl clad in turquoise leggings and a Mickey Mouse sweatshirt. "Morning Sawyer" she chirped, tearing herself away from Sponge Bob Squarepants for a moment before letting her gaze wonder back to the television screen. He had slept off most of the hangover, only the headache remained.

"Where's your Momma?" he asked, searching out his socks and shoes.

"Work" was the one word answer he received.

"You kids home alone?" he said furrowing his eyebrows.

"No silly, Delia's here" Layla said with an obnoxious smile.

"Who's Delia?"

"Our babysitter, duh"

"Duh" Sawyer muttered to himself and shook his head. He spotted his keys on the coffee table and snatched them. "Well Miss. Stickyfingers I'm going to head out. Say thanks to your Momma for me"

"Wait" she said rising to her feet and heading over to the kitchen table she passed him a Tupperware container, holding a giant amount of spaghetti in it. "Mommy left this for you".

"Great" Sawyer said a little overwhelmed. This was enough to feed him for a week.

"Come back and play Barbie's with me again" Layla instructed and he opened the door to leave.

He laughed and gave one of her pigtails an affectionate yank. "Don't count on it pigtails" he said before walking down the hallway out of the shabby apartment building.

The only thought in his head disturbed him greatly.

He was disappointed not to have seen Claire in her work uniform.


	6. The Wedding

A/N: Thank you very much! Three reviewers this go around! Yay! The more people who review the more it just motivates me to get the next chapter up, so PLEASE review, even if you hate the story give me some advice. I'm all for constructive criticism. And for those of your who are reviewing, thank you so much. It's the best compliment I could ask for. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter.

Chapter Six: The Wedding

He adjusted his position; he had really forgotten how uncomfortable these church pews had been. He kept his head down, Hurley, Locke, Michael and Walt had all approached him. It freaked him out to see Walt as a good looking teenager. He saw Sun and Jin enter the church and he sighed rubbing at his eyes.

"Shove over will you?" he heard a playful Australian voice demand and he glanced up to see a smiling Claire looking at him. "We're not at another funeral" she said plopping down next to him. "It wouldn't kill you to smile".

He allowed his gaze to travel over her, she was wearing a pretty blue dress, her hair was up and she had woven a lily in her waves of tresses. Aaron slid in beside her looking slightly uncomfortable in a white dress shirt and black dress pants.

Sawyer gave her the phoniest smile he could muster; it was one that wouldn't be out of place on the host of a bad game show.

"Attractive" Claire said sarcastically and dropped the purse at her feet.

"Where's Clapton?" he enquired, speaking of course of Layla. He had realized that Charlie and Claire had named her after the famous Eric Clapton song. Figures, he thought. A rock star naming his daughter after a rock song.

Claire laughed "I personally wanted to name her Cecilia from that Simon and Garfunkel but then Charlie pointed out she was a bit of a hussy, But I'm glad I didn't. Can you imagine the nicknames you'd give her then?" she teased, nudging him hard in the ribs.

He was about to shoot back a reply when suddenly classical music kicked in. Claire made a sort of strangled, squealing noise. She glanced at a very stone-faced Sawyer. "Ooh, so excited" she muttered under her breath "I'm going to cry" she said and picked up her purse presumably rooting around for Kleenex.

"Jesus" he muttered under his breath and reached in the pocket of his suit, pulling out a handkerchief and shoved it in her direction. "Thank you" she mouthed as Layla started her descent, tossing white rose petals in her wake, a beatific smile stretched across her lips. She took her place at the front of the church. Then came two bridesmaids and then finally the wedding march kicked in. Sawyer watched Claire take Aaron's small hand in hers. The handkerchief was already being put into good use as two perfect tears rolled down her cheeks and she dabbed them away.

Shannon was sobbing and laughing at the same time as her Father led her down the aisle. Naturally that only made Claire cry harder, he saw Aaron squeeze his Mother's hand. They wrote their vows themselves. It was hard to make Shannon out through her tears and her laughter and then Sayid broke down too. They shared a long, sloppy kiss when it was over, which left Sawyer feeling a little nauseated.

He had about half an hour to kill before the reception started at some fancy ass hotel. He drove around in circles for a good fifteen minutes then drove into the hotel parking lot. His rusted pick up truck looked out of place with all the newer models of cars expect for a grey Honda, that was at least a few years old and he recognized it from the apartment complex, good at least she was here, he told himself before entering the swanky hotel.

He received directions that everyone was out on the rooftop patio at the moment. After climbing three sets of stairs he finally ended up in the room beside the patio and walked outside, it was a sunny day but still a little chilly. He spotted two Blonde children peering over the edge and a woman in a blue dress and white sweater hemming and hawing over them pleading with them to get away from the edge of the building.

"Mommy, I can't see" he heard the tiny flower girl whine.

"Well good, let's go sit down now" Claire said nervously trying to pull Layla away from the view.

Sawyer smirked and approached them and picked Layla up, her legs dangling in the air, but keeping her a safe distance away from the edge, hell he wasn't Michael fucking Jackson "See now?" he asked and he saw her blonde ringlets bob accordingly.

"You are so dead" Claire growled and Sawyer shot her a beatific smile. "Don't even, you Bastard" Claire said under her breath. This caused him to laugh and set Layla back down, steadily on her feet. "Let's sit down, now" Claire ordered, it wasn't a suggestion anymore, it was a command.

And the children complied moving over to an unoccupied patio set and plopping themselves down. Sawyer figured it was a family thing and stated at the edge, looking down at the view below.

He felt something sharp digging into his arm and quickly saw that it was Claire's nails seeing as she was grabbing onto his arm and yanking him over to the table. "You too" she instructed and he plopped down in a seat next to Layla. "Even though I feel like wringing your neck at the moment" Claire stated, she did look pissed off at him.

"Honey, I think you did enough damage there with those claws you got" he said tenderly rubbing his forearm.

"Hey, it's not like you didn't deserve it" Layla stated to which pleased her Mother. And the two girls shared a high-five while the two boys shot each other disapproving looks.

--

Sawyer was actually having a good time; perhaps it was the open bar or the cheesecake for desert. When he first entered the dining area, he winced, assigned seating. No chance of him slipping in with a distant aunt from Wyoming.

Nope, he was sharing a table with Claire, Layla, Aaron, Locke, Michael, Walt, Hurley, Sun and Jin. And hell they had been having a good time. That was until the dance started, he hated dancing. It was one thing that thrilled women, and he just couldn't get his feet right. Hell, he had tried during his conning days, but it really was a lost cause.

But at least he'd have a new nickname for Claire, Dancing queen. Every time she would return from the dance floor, plopping down in the seat next to him smelling vaguely of peaches someone else, be it Hurley or Locke, even Sayid would sweep her back up again.

He felt her sit down next to him, again reaching for her smudged water glass. "Where's Layla?" she asked a little breathlessly.

"Dancing with Bridezilla" he said jerking his head over to where Shannon and Layla were waltzing to Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.

Claire laughed as she was taking a sip of water which promptly came out her nose. She fumbled quickly for her linen napkin and pressed it against her little button nose, giggles racking through her small frame.

"Careful now Sweetness your gettin' me all hot" Sawyer warned in a lethally sarcastic voice, which only made Claire laugh harder.

Even Aaron who had remained somewhat serious all evening was laughing hard. Sawyer glanced over his shoulder and saw a somewhat a guy who looked to be a little younger then himself approaching their table. Basically eye-fucking Claire, for some strange unknown reason this made his blood boil, probably because Aaron was right there, he reasoned with himself.

"Hey" the guy said leaning against the back of Claire's chair as she turned around to look at him, a smile still lingering on her lips he noticed Aaron's face fall considerably. He remembered what it was like to have a beautiful mother, her getting hit on everywhere they went. So he had finally admitted it to himself, Claire was beautiful; there really was no denying it. "Can I have this dance?" the guy asked, showing her a practiced "sincere" smile. Sawyer could spot false sincerity from a mile away; after all he had practiced it for many years.

"Um sure" Claire said with the same, small half smile she used for him, he felt jealousy gnawing away at the pit of his stomach.

Aaron and Sawyer were left alone at the table; Aaron noticed Sawyer was watching his mother and that guy slow dance to some cheesy song. A scowl was evident on his face. He turned around to look at Aaron and ran a hand through his hair.

"So, are those shitheads still botherin' you at school?" Sawyer asked reaching for his beer and taking a swig. Obviously he hadn't learned his lesson from the Jack Daniels incident. He had noticed that Claire hadn't touched any alcohol, only the champagne during the toasts.

Aaron shrugged "Sort of, not a lot" to be honest Aaron was completely dumbfounded that Sawyer would even remember something like that, his mothers other boyfriends would never remember that, even though Aaron repeatedly told himself that Sawyer and his Mom weren't dating he still kind of wished they were. Sawyer didn't treat him like a little kid, even though he was. He talked to him like he would talk to an adult.

"Just ignore 'em, they'll be pumpin' your gas in a few years" Sawyer said and glanced at Aaron and smiled. Not a smirk, which Aaron had seen him use with his Mother many of times but an actual smile. Aaron saw his gaze wander over to his Mother and the guy in the blue shirt again; they had been dancing for two songs, one fast, one slow.

"Well Sport, I don't imagine you like that anymore then I do" Sawyer said motioning to the dancing couple. He was clinging onto her waist as they danced to "Brown eyed girl" Claire looked only slightly uncomfortable. Aaron agreeably shook his head. "Then I'll just have to do somethin' about it" Sawyer announced with the familiar smirk and stood up, walking onto the dance floor. He walked up to the pair and tapped the guy on the shoulder. "Mind if I cut in?" he asked with a fake smile.

"Uh…" the man answered with a smile "Yeah well sort of" he added and Sawyer glanced at Claire who was smiling and made a face at him.

"Yeah well too bad, Son" he said and grabbed Claire's hand pulling her over to a different spot on the dance floor twirling her around, leaving the other man dumbfounded still standing on the dance floor, happy couples whizzing by.

"That wasn't very nice" Claire said and started dancing and Sawyer bumbled along awkwardly.

"Whatever" Sawyer grumbled spinning her around "he deserved it" he added with a smirk and then winced when she stepped on his foot.

"Sorry" she apologized with a sheepish smile "I'm a terrible dancer" she bit down on her bottom lip and then twirled him around as the song ended.

The DJ's obnoxious voice came through as he smarmed on about how the next song was a special request from the bride, it's dedicated to her brother". Sawyer recognized the song instantly; it had been a big hit a decade or two back. Claire had already started walking back towards her dance partner, who Aaron and he both deemed unsuitable. He reached out and grabbed her hand, pulling her near. "I'm a much better slow dancer I promise" he said, his voice low as he rested his hands on her narrow hips. A slow smile worked its way across her lips as she put both of her arms around his neck.

"You better be" she said softly, meeting his eyes, her smile still lingering sweetly across her taut lips. They started to sway slowly to the music, Claire obviously knew the song well. Her lips were forming the words softly, as she whispered them to herself, or maybe they were for him too. He wasn't sure.

_Would you know my name  
If I saw you in heaven  
Will it be the same  
If I saw you in heaven  
I must be strong, and carry on  
Cause I know I don't belong  
Here in heaven_

He liked holding her, her small frame pressed up against his. She fit, in all the right places, her curves fitting in with his perfectly. He liked the feeling of just being whole, only if it was for a moment.

_Would you hold my hand  
If I saw you in heaven  
Would you help me stand  
If I saw you in heaven  
I'll find my way, through night and day  
Cause I know I just can't stay  
Here in heaven_

He managed to tear his gaze from the beautiful woman swaying against him for a moment. He searched for their table and set his sights on the little fair-haired pair, Blondie Jr. and Blondie the III. Aaron smiled at him and Layla gave him a mischievous wink. He just shook his head, resting his gaze on Claire again.

_Time can bring you down  
Time can bend your knee  
Time can break your heart  
Have you begging please  
Begging please_

He shifted his gaze to the big table at the front. Sayid and Shannon sitting at the table, Shannon was gazing at him and his dancing partner in rapture. He smiled at her and she returned in lifting up her champagne glass, as if toasting him and Claire. But he really knew that it was meant for someone else, someone else who couldn't make it to the wedding.

_Beyond the door   
There's peace I'm sure.  
And I know there'll be no more...   
Tears in heaven_

Would you know my name  
If I saw you in heaven  
Will it be the same  
If I saw you in heaven  
I must be strong, and carry on  
Cause I know I don't belong  
Here in heaven

Cause I know I don't belong  
Here in heaven

If it had been any other song, he might have kissed her. Denied it later, blaming the open bar. But hell did he ever want to. She was so sweet, sweet women had never been his type, made him feel guilty. But Claire wasn't just a sweetheart; she had a fierce, independent side. She had to; she was raising two young children all by herself.

But the song just reminded him that he didn't belong with her.

He would never belong with her in heaven


	7. The Phone Call

A/N: Thank you so much to my reviewers! I'm going to address a few things first before this chapter. I'm not too crazy for this one, but whatever. It seems like ages ago that I wrote it, and I put a favor for my friend in here so that's why it might seem… a little rushed per say. Shannon101, I'm sorry if you're upset that Charlie was killed off but if you don't like the pairing or if you're still "Mad" at me, I would advise not reading the story. Because this /is/ a ConMama story first and foremost. And beatlechicksteph: I'm so flattered you want to read my other story. I'm not too crazy about it anymore but it's called Nurse Claire and was written fairly quickly last summer. And I posted it at Lost-forum, I'll give you the link. It's funny to read the reviews by my friend Meggles (PITAchic) for NC, because she was so hardcore C/C and then she slowly drifted over to our side…

Chapter Seven: The Phone Call

The shrill tone of the telephone startled him from his slumber on the couch. Dirty dishes and a beer bottle from supper were discarded on his coffee table, the television blared on loudly. He stood up, still half asleep and stumbled blindly for his cordless phone. He located it on his night table in his cramped bedroom and sank down on his squashy mattress. "Hello" he said speaking into and he heard a childlike voice answer back.

"Sawyer?" he asked.

"Aaron" Sawyer said a little breathless, it had been a month since the wedding and he wasn't quite sure why Claire's son would be calling him out of the blue like this. Unless there had been an accident, he felt his pulse quicken. "Is your Momma alright, is Layla okay?" he asked quickly.

"Yeah they're fine" Aaron said slowly, his voice soft. He sounded distant like his mind was someplace else. "Mom's dating that guy Nick from the wedding" was the next piece of information he had to offer him.

"Son of a" Sawyer started but cut off when he remembered he was talking to a six year old. "Is that why you're calling?"

"Yeah" he heard Aaron say almost shyly. "Last night when Mom went to the grocery store and Layla broke a mug" Aaron offered, Sawyer was about to interrupt to ask what relevance this contained when Aaron finished his sentence "He got really mad and screamed at her" his voice still having that distant quality.

"Where's your Momma?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows angrily. Who the fuck gave this greasy haired asswipe to yell at Claire's kids after knowing them how long? A couple weeks?

"In the bathroom shaving her legs"

"What's Nick's last name?"

"Grayson"

"Okay kid, he won't be bothering you anymore" Sawyer promised reaching for his pack of cigarettes.

"Thanks Sawyer" was the only response before a click and the phone went dead. He took a drag off the cigarette, clicking end on the phone. "No problem" he said to himself and the empty room.

--

He was on his sofa again, smoking a cigarette. He had taken care of that douche bag Nick, some threats and promises and it was easy. Hell a man that would give up Claire that easily didn't deserve her anyways.

He heard two sharp raps on his door. "The hell" he muttered under his breath. He checked his watch eight o'clock on a Friday night? Way too late for a telemarketer who sadly was the only people who he ever got visits from. He lived a pretty lonely existence.

He was surprised to say the least when he opened the door and found him face to face with a fuming Claire. "You bastard" she said walking into his house forcefully. Her tone of voice held none of the playfulness that was usually evident, no secret smiles for him tonight. But he couldn't help but to notice she was still stunning, she was in a pair of jeans, a heavy white sweater and a matching blue hat and scarf. Her mascara was smudged in a sticky glob in one corner and her lips were a raw and raging red. He was still unexpectedly turned on by the sight of her, turned on and a little scared. She looked like she could have killed him with her bare hands.

"So I guess you know" Sawyer smirked, putting on his cool façade as to not give away that he was scared shitless by a petite blonde mother. He reached over purposely getting in her space to shut the door behind her. She shot him a withering glare.

"Damn right I know" She said taking off her hat and scarf and lazily throwing them on his kitchen counter. "And the fuck gives to the right to mess around with my personal life, yeah?" she asked, her tone was icy and her eyes were searching. "I had to practically pry it out of Nick. Jesus, you're an insufferable prick" She stated, hands on her hips. The same hips he had had his hands on. He had such a strong primal instinct to touch her again, anywhere. Her hair, her breasts, her ear, it really didn't matter to him at the moment.

"Well maybe you should talk to your son before you get all judgmental on my ass, he's the one who called and suggested I orchestrate your little break up" Sawyer snapped taking a few steps toward her and backing Claire up against the door. He noticed her face fall but she quickly regained her composure, furrowing her slender eyebrows together.

"Why would Aaron do that?" she asked, her voice losing the shrillness but it was still slightly accusatory.

Sawyer sighed and rested the palm of his hand against the door blocking Claire in. "Nick yelled at Layla for breaking a dish" he said his voice soft and even, he liked the feeling of being able to prove her wrong. Although he didn't like the feeling the coursed through his body, so strong it almost knocked him over. He didn't like the feeling he felt when her face crumpled. She turned away from him, leaning against the wall, her sobs shaking her delicate shoulders.

"I'm so fucking stupid" he heard her mutter under her breath two or three times and he grabbed her arm spinning her around.

"I don't want you to think you're stupid because you trust people" he growled, wiping a tear away with his thumb and he felt her tremble. "Don't be angry at yourself be angry at the fucking douche bag" Sawyer instructed.

"But I'm the one who brought him home to my kids, and my kids don't even talk to me" she said her chin quivering. "Not about important stuff, Aaron still hasn't said anything about Charlie in months" she said breathing hard. "I can't do this Sawyer" she said desperately "I'm the worst mother in the world and I can't raise them by myself".

He just shook his head and said "Stop talking bullshit". She looked like the wanted to smack him but managed to refrain from physical violence.

"How could I even expect you to take anything I say seriously? God your such a-"but she was cut off when she felt his lips covering hers forcefully. His body was pressing up against hers, pushing her against the door. She eventually found a rhythm and after the initial shock wore off she started to kiss him back. Everything was such a blur to her, she felt herself being raised off the floor, she wrapped her legs around his stomach and he continued to kiss her neck and jawbone as he moved, presumably to the bedroom.

He set her down carefully on his squeaky mattress, her eyes taking in his messy living quarters. Books and clothes strewn around on the floor, it looked like Aaron's bedroom she decided. Oh god, Aaron and Layla she thought. She had left them with Delia a half an hour ago promising to only be a few minutes. She sat up in a disoriented daze but she felt him easing her down again, his hot kisses lingering on her lips. She told herself she had to go, what were her and Sawyer doing was crazy and stupid but felt surprisingly right. But she finally got a hold of herself, sitting up and shrugging him off. She smoothed a hand down her tousled hair and adjusted her sweater. "I'm sorry I just can't do this" she said breathlessly, looking at him. To her surprise he looked defeated lying down on his bed in his messy bedroom.

"Go" he said simply, he didn't say it angrily. Just with detachedness, like it made no difference to him. He said it in the same tone of voice he'd use with just any girl he'd pick up at a bar. He never did that before and it hurt her. She wanted to explain that she just needed to get home to her kids, that she was just confused about her sudden feelings but he wasn't even looking at her He used that icy voice and she didn't feel like sharing the intimate details of her sudden feelings for him, she had felt something shift in her ever since she saw him on that overcast day at the funeral.

But she told herself to be strong and not to become a blubbering idiot like she had when he told her about the phone call. Be strong, she urged and it took all of her collective strength to turn out her heal and walk out that door, walking away from the man she might have loved.

--

Sawyer sat on his bed, glancing at the spot she had been. He wasn't sure if it was minutes ago, hours ago. Time trickled so slowly that it could have just been fifteen minutes since she turned her back on him and left but it seemed like an eternity.

How could he have been so stupid, he basically told her she was going out with the wrong kind of guys and then expected her to take him? The worst of the worst. He sighed and laid down where she had been, his comforter holding some of her warmth and closed his eyes. Breathing in her scent, she smelled vaguely of peaches and lazy summer afternoons. He closed his eyes and waited for sleep, and when he found it…

He dreamed of Claire.


	8. Almost Human

A/N: Sorry it's been awhile since I've last updated! I had my little cousin staying with me for a few weeks, so that in its self made it hard to get on the computer and then I went away for a week, so there was that as well. I'm not in love with this chapter; it's just kind of a transition one I guess. But the next one is one of my favorites, so I'll try and update again soon. Thank you so much to all of the reviewers! 22 reviews was more then I would have expected for this story.

Chapter Eight: Almost Human

He sat at the library desk; a worn copy of "The Grapes of Wrath" perched against his legs, and his slim black framed reading glasses resting against the bridge of his nose. A far change from his mismatched lenses he sported on the island. Sure he was technically supposed to be working but everyone deserved a break, besides it was slow, a Tuesday afternoon, just a few teenagers on the computers and a few browsers.

It was a rainy, sleepy afternoon and he had finally had the chance to get some reading done. Every time he picked up a book his thoughts wandered to her, it had been four month's since their last encounter but it still left him reeling. He was hurting; he even picked up a woman at a bar. But he couldn't go through with it, her smell still lingered on his bed clothes, she had left her scarf and hat on his kitchen counter and he didn't touch them, they still sat in the original place, tossed so carelessly.

He felt someone standing before him and heaved a sigh, closing his book resignedly. "What can I help ya with?" he asked glancing up and then froze, seeing Claire looking down at him, Layla stood beside her dressed in a yellow rain slicker. Claire was clutching her grey wool trench coat around her small frame tightly; he realized she must have still been in her Finnegan's uniform.

"Hi Sawyer" Layla said with a grin and he managed to sit there and stare at the pair dumfounded. "Mommy, I'm going to find Aaron" the little girl announced, seemingly growing bored of the speechless man and skipped off to the children's section.

"Hi" Claire said softly and Sawyer stumbled to stand up.

"Hey" he said, knitting his eyebrows together in confusion. Was she bringing the kids to the library and just accidentally ran into him, or was she here on purpose.

"Hi" she repeated a little breathlessly and then laughed to herself covering her eyes with her hand. "Okay, I'm so embarrassed" she said softly. He could see her cheeks flush.

"I feel like I'm in junior high" he muttered which caused her to start giggling.

"Okay I'm here for a reason other then to humiliate myself" she stated bringing her hand down.

"Shoot" he said sitting back down; he couldn't believe that he was actually having a conversation with Claire, she seemed to relax and he saw a glimpse of her black lacy top but mentally kicked himself when Claire pulled her coat tighter around her body.

"Aaron wants you to come to his birthday party this Saturday" she said quickly, looking at the floor, not meeting his eyes.

Sawyer was taken aback and he must have looked as surprised as he felt because Claire rushed to say something "I mean you don't have to of course since what happened with us and I realize that things a little awkward now" she said quickly reluctantly meeting his gaze. "You know what I'll just tell Aaron that you can't make it" she said with a small smile and turned to walk away.

"Wait" he said, he was just processing all this information, and he was quickly realizing that Claire talked really fast when she was nervous or embarrassed or whatever emotion she was feeling currently. "I'll come" he said immediately, without giving it a second thought, he wasn't quite sure why but hell there was no backing out now.

"You will?" she asked turning around, her eyebrows high on her forehead in surprise, a small smile playing on her lips.

"Hell, I'm a little offended that your so surprised, sweetheart" he said with a smirk putting his feet up on the information desk, one thing that really ticked Phyllis the head librarian off, he looked over his shoulder and only spotted Mackenzie, a shy red head who he terrorized on a daily basis, he scared the shit out of her, especially when he flirted.

She laughed and knocked his feet back playfully which sent him stumbling and had Claire laughing harder, in a breathy quiet shuddering kind of way, library laughter. When she had got it back together again she cleared her throat. "So Saturday, three o'clock?" she confirmed, "We'll have cake" she added.

"Well that just sealed the deal" he said and winked at her.

"Okay, I'll see you later Sawyer" She said shooting him one of those secret smiles again over her shoulder as she walked off in the direction of the children's section. He watched her return Layla on her hip; she was holding a few children's books. She waved cheerfully and Aaron followed after them, when he saw Sawyer he smiled and Sawyer returned it mouthing "See you Saturday".

He watched as Mackenzie checked their books out and decided to corner her later. He was surprised twenty minutes later when she was the one who cornered him when he had been helping out a little boy on the computer after he had witnessed him punch the keyboard a few times.

"Okay Mike Tyson, you get it now?" he said ending his lecture and the little boy just looked at him wide-eyed in terror, much like the glances Mackenzie shot him. But there she was speaking in her gentle voice telling the little boy his mother was looking for him. When he had scampered off she shot him a disapproving look. "Sorry Carrots" he apologized sheepishly. "You gals are always bitchin' about how the computers brake though" he said with a nonchalant shrug.

"Yes well" she said pausing to tuck a lock of orange hair behind her ear "Computers aren't any good if you scare away all the people who use them" she said which left him dumbfounded for a minute.

"Whoa Mackie, gettin' a little grumpy. What is it? All our sexual tension finally getting' to ya?"

Her face flushed immediately. "You shouldn't flirt so much with a girlfriend who has two small children" she advised her eyes wide.

"Claire and I are just friends" he said "I could never replace you Green Gables" which was his nickname for her, from the protagonist who shared her hair color and freckles.

A slow smile spread across his co-workers lips and for a second he thought he had finally thawed her when it came to him but what she said nearly bowled her over. "But you don't want to be" she said her smile only growing "Just friends with her I mean" she clarified.

"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talkin' about" he growled furrowing his eyebrows.

"Yes you do, your almost human around her" the shy redhead said boldly and she felt Sawyer push past her roughly, without another word.

She bit down on her lip hard; he didn't deserve that Mackenzie thought, and almost followed after him but then decided against it. No matter how regretful she felt for saying that it didn't change the fact that he still terrified her.

--

As he was walking away from her his mind was working fast. Almost human, that's how everyone saw him wasn't it? It had to be.

Everyone expect for her, a tiny voice in his head told him. And then he smiled.


	9. The Birthday Party

A/N: Thank you very much to the people who reviewed and I would like to urge anyone who's reading this story to Please, please, please drop me a line! This is one of my most favorite chapters, so enjoy!

Chapter Nine: The Party

Their damn apartment was almost too bright, with lime green and yellow crepe paper crisscrossing across the ceiling, the only part of the room that was white. Sawyer felt as if he was going to have a seizure, especially with about eight little boys running around making a racket. He closed his eyes for a second and breathed in through his nose.

Layla had buzzed him up and then disappeared leaving him alone with the kids and Claire was nowhere in sight.

He felt someone nudge him hard in the ribs. He opened his eyes ready to snap at the kid who had roused him out of his calm reverie. His mouth was already open ready to spout something unfriendly when he realized it wasn't a kid. He should have known it was her.

"Practicing your yoga techniques?" she enquired and mimed him with his eyes closed and breathing deeply.

He sighed and shot her a dangerous look before shoving the small, awkwardly wrapped gift into her hands.

"You didn't need to get him a gift" she said softly, a tiny smile gracing her lips.

"Yeah I did, you don't bring a gift to a birthday party and you get trampled" he stated and looked away from her. Why did she keep on looking at him like that? And why in the hell did she have to be so beautiful?

"I still think it was really sweet" she told him dipping her head to an awkward angle, trying to meet his gaze.

He heaved a sigh reluctantly looking at her "It wasn't, okay. For all you know I could have condoms or a playboy in there" he stated with a smirk.

She paled instantly. "You don't though, right?" she asked, her voice gaining a desperate tone. "So help me god, Sawyer…" she started but he cut her off much to her dismay.

"So where's this cake?" he asked and she punched him squarely in the arm.

"Asshole" she muttered turning away from him and heading towards the kitchen, she wasn't able to keep the smile off her face though. She knew he noticed.

--

He sat on the couch next to Claire watching as the little boys crowded around Aaron in a semi-circle of excitement. It was present time, the portion of the evening he had been dreading. "I gotta use the little boy's room" he lied, hoping to get away until after Aaron opened his gift, but Claire grabbed onto his forearm, easing him back down next to her before he could even stand up.

"Nice try Cowboy" she said with a grin and he smiled in spite of himself. Her calling him Cowboy just made him want to do inappropriate things with her on this very same sofa, hell he didn't care if eight little kids we're watching.

"That one is from Sawyer" Claire said pointedly to her son and Aaron shot him a smile and said "Thanks Sawyer" before he started to rip of the outdated wrapping paper and the crinkled scotch tape.

"Your welcome" he said grudgingly and he felt Claire lean into him slightly. He was surprised how natural they were being with each other, he would have thought there would have been more uncomfortable silences but Claire was in a teasing kind of mood and wouldn't leave him alone. Things only got awkward a few times and then they could laugh about it.

Sawyer was even more surprised that he was actually enjoying himself, he had played video games with the boys for awhile and hung out and watched the wiggles with Layla. Everything was just so mellow and relaxed there he couldn't help but feel at ease, almost like he was at home.

The only time he almost lost his temper was when some smart ass kid named Andrew purposely dropped his coke on the floor so Claire would bend down low and he could see down her shirt. While Sawyer had to admit it, he also enjoyed the view he found himself wanting Claire to stop, he rose quickly shooting Andrew a dangerous look and took the dishcloth from Claire, confusing her as he mopped up the rest of the sticky mess, while Aaron watched on in embarrassment. Later on Sawyer saw him kick Andrew under the table, and secretly felt proud.

Aaron found himself holding a paperback copy of "A Wrinkle in Time". He stared at it for a few minutes studying the shirtless man or horse or whatever it was on the cover. "Um thanks" he said glancing up at Sawyer and smiling. He then noticed his mother who looked shocked.

"You okay Mum?" he asked curiously

"Yeah babe" she said softly. "Sawyer used to read that to you when you were a baby and you got fussy" she said turning to look at Sawyer who was staring at his socked feet.

Aaron was again shocked by how he could remember something like that, something that most people would have forgotten long ago.

"Hon, I'm going to get your cake ready. Sawyer can you help me?" she asked, although it was more like a command. He complied and stood up shuffling off to the kitchen, glad to be away from all those prying eyes. He ran his hand down his blushing cheeks; he was hoping it wouldn't have been such a big deal to Claire. Unfortunately he was wrong.

"That may be the sweetest thing ever" Claire said with a small smile.

"I find that hard to believe" Sawyer said awkwardly. He grew even more awkward when Claire threw her arms around him, pulling him close. He gently brought his arms around her and just stood there while she rested her head on his shoulder.

"I'm so glad you could come today" she said pulling away a little bit and looking at him.

"Me too" he said his voice low and even. He didn't even realize that they were leaning forward; their lips just about to touch.

"Ms. Littleton?"

Sawyer jumped back and hit the kitchen counter; he was surprised to see Andrew standing there looking dumbfounded.

"Could I have another drink" he asked motioning to his red plastic Dixie cup. Sawyer couldn't help but glare at him moodily.

"Yeah sure Andrew" Claire said with a small smile and Sawyer watched her pour the coke with shaky hands. He had gotten to her.

--

Childish singing rang out at the kitchen table, the lights were out and the cramped room was illuminated only by candle light that was the seven little candles stuck randomly in the chocolate cake. Layla was the loudest by far, but then again what else was new? Claire nudged him from his spot leaning against the doorframe. "You have to sing" she ordered.

And he joined in on the last "Happy Birthday to you", studying the beautiful woman next to him, smiling and singing in flickering candlelight, If he never knew before, he certainly knew now.

He was a goner.


	10. Finnegan's

Chapter Ten: Finnegan's

He stood in front of the microwave, making a concentrated effort not to watch his TV dinner twirl around. His grandma would always tell him that looking at the microwave would give you cancer and when he did it anyways she'd slap him in the back of the head. It was funny what it took to miss someone, a funeral filled with weeping well-wishers, endless strings of sympathy cards. But whenever he put food in the microwave, he felt himself soften a bit at the memory of his grandma.

Sawyer heard three sharp knocks at the front door and abandoned his post in front of the microwave and went to answer the door. Maybe it was Claire, he thought hopefully, but shot that down quickly. He hadn't done anything to piss her off. So he was expecting a telemarketer. But certainly not the liver spotted elderly man dressed in a tacky Hawaiian shirt.

"How are you, you son-of-a-bitch?" His uncle Wade cried gleefully slapping him on the shoulder. Sawyer was a little taken a back to say the least. What was his seventy-something uncle doing in Australia.

"What are you doing here, Uncle Wade?" He asked overwhelmed and then on top of everything that damn microwave timer went off. Sawyer stumbled over to the machine and pushed cancel.

"Thought I'd take a vacation away from your aunt" He scoffed and Sawyer rolled his eyes. Uncle Wade and Aunt Jessie were known for their wild arguments; Sawyer had once witnessed Aunt Jessie throw eggs at her husband and then fallen into a crying heap when she accidentally nailed her daughter, Candace in the face with one.

"Well a little notice would have been nice, Wade" Sawyer grumbled running a hand through his hair. "I'll get the guest room ready, you must be pretty jetlagged"

"Not really, James" Wade replied taking off his shoes and lazily dropping his duffel bag on the ground. "What I need is a beer" he said marching into the kitchen and opening the refrigerator

"Ain't got any" Sawyer grumbled wandering into the guest bedroom and adjusting the comforter.

"Shit, boy" Wade muttered and Sawyer heaved a sigh. He plopped down on the bed for a moment, the mattress giving an involuntary squeak. He breathed in deep through his nose, he needed to calm down or else he was going to lose it.

"Okay Wade" he started to say as he entered the kitchen but paused when he saw his uncle sitting at his cramped table with his TV dinner in front of it shoveling it into his mouth. "That's my dinner!" he protested.

"Tastes like crap" Wade informed him "Beginning to miss Jessie's cookin'" he drawled.

"Tell you what, Wade" Sawyer said with clenched teeth. "I'll take you out"

"Yeehaw!" Wade shouted gleefully and stood up pulling his dilapidated sneakers back on his socked feet. Sawyer looked mournfully at this half eaten TV dinner before being ushered out the door by Wade.

--

"Where ya taking me boy?" Wade asked perching his feet on the truck's dashboard, looking intently at Sawyer.

"Joe's is only fifteen minutes away" Sawyer said irritably.

"Hell you ain't got anything closer?" Wade asked and his stomach produced a loud noise to agree with his statement. Sawyer clenched his teeth as he prepared to drive by Finnegan's. "Hey what's that?" he asked peering at the dingy pub.

"You wouldn't like it" Sawyer said shortly.

"They got beer?" was Uncle Wade's next enquiry.

"Yes"

"They got pretty girls?" he asked and gave Sawyer a hard nudge in the ribs.

"One" was his truthful answer.

"Hot damn, that's good enough for me!" Uncle Wade said and motioned for Sawyer to turn around and return back to the bar. Sawyer heaved one last resigned sigh as he headed back to Finnegan's, repeating a mantra inside his head. "Please don't let her be there", over and over.

Wade got out of the car and walked with more vigor then Sawyer had seen in a long time. Apparently the promise of beer and at least one pretty girl made his Uncle's spirits soar. He wondered how this would make his Aunt Jessie feel.

It took Sawyer a minute for his eyes to adjust to the darker atmosphere, he glanced around and saw Frank the bartender watching the television eagerly, it looked like an infomercial for a blender. An older waitress was chatting up an overweight man who sat at the bar; she was leaning in close, pretending to latch onto every word. She was showing a fair amount of cleavage, it was pretty obvious the man wasn't really paying attention to what she was saying to him.

Uncle Wade looked at the woman with interest. "Is that the pretty one?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

Sawyer smiled and shook his head. If Uncle Wade did see the pretty one, hopefully she wasn't working, he would have thought he died and went to heaven. "Not even close Wade" he said shortly.

They sat down at the bar, far at the end away from the flirting waitress and the man with the descending gaze.

He heard a clatter in the back room and craned his head and Frank just shot him a weary look. He abandoned the dirty rag he had just been rubbing against the counter and poked his head around the corner. "What'd you do now Sugar?" he asked and Sawyer heard a familiar sigh.

"Come help me up?" He heard a woman plead and he closed his eyes, it was definitely her. He prepared himself, formulating a plan. He would occupy Wade with the jukebox and then he'd explain everything to her. "Damnit Frank, will you move these fricking boxes? You know I always trip over them" Came Claire's disjointed voice again and he smiled.

"Yeah but when I help you up, I can always see down your shirt" Frank said leaving the room and presumably going to assist Claire.

"Bastard" was her spiteful reply and when she entered the room, ushered in by Frank, Wade poked him hard in the arm and let out a low whistle. This of course attracted Claire's immediate attention. He wasn't sure why he had expected her to walk out in her sweat pants and a t-shirt, but seeing her in her little uniform surprised him. Her skimpy, lacy black camisole hugged onto her curves and an almost miniscule burgundy skirt clung onto her waist. Showcasing a pair of legs Sawyer didn't even know she had. He was so used to seeing her hair tied back in a loose ponytail or a sloppy bun; he certainly wasn't expecting to see her flaxen waves tumbling down her shoulders. He was relieved to see she wasn't wearing any make up though. He liked her without make up.

She looked uncomfortable and looked away as soon as she registered who it was. He could see a faint blush crawling down her neck. "Claire" Frank said and she turned quickly to look at him. "What are you waiting for? Go wait on them" and Claire winced but complied anyways, moving behind the bar. Her heels clicking and clacking noisily.

"Uncle Wade, go put on some music" Sawyer ordered and handed him a fistful of change.

"Oh I get it you want to be alone with her" Wade said and nudged him, taking the change and ambling over to the jukebox, attracting the waitress's attention that was getting bored with the breastman, and he had in fact moved on to bigger things, namely Claire's.

"Hey beautiful" Sawyer said with a smirk, it wasn't unlike anything some sleazy guy would say to a waitress in a bar but it made Claire blush deeper.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she asked nervously, pulling down her top and then realizing that made her show too much cleavage and promptly yanked on the straps, pulling it back up.

"Uncle Wade" he said jerking his to the elderly man, who selected "Crying" by Roy Orbirson and Sawyer kept an eye on him when he saw the waitress, Amber walk over to his uncle, hips swaying. Hell he could flirt all he wanted, but he was making sure Uncle Wade was going to return to Aunt Jessie with no more sexual experience then he had when he got here. "He made a big deal about coming, course I don't mind seeing you in that" he said with a wink and was surprised when Claire looked like she was going to cry.

"I didn't want you to see me like this" She said looking at the dirty counter, tracing her fingertip around a ring of condensation that had formed, leftover from someone's drink that Frank had yet to clean up.

"I think you look cute" he said with a sly smile and he gently brushed his fingertips against her cheek, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

"I don't look cute I look like a crack whore" she snapped and jerked away from his touch.

"Nah, you look like you, in some slutty get-up, sweet pea" he said and glanced at Frank who was watching them intently. "Two Sam Adams" he said to Claire and she nodded, a small smile forming on her lips and leaned over the counter, this was innocent gesture but pleased the breastman to no end, he was beginning to wonder if him and that shithead Andrew were related.

"Guess what?" she said with a wide smile and Sawyer wanted so badly to kiss her.

"You're pregnant" he said and she slapped him hard on the arm.

"And just who exactly would get me pregnant?" She asked with an incredulous quirk of her eyebrow.

"I'd be willing to do the job" he said with a smirk and watched in enjoyment as she turned an alarming shade of pink, creeping down her neck.

"I'm sure you'd be all too willing, pervert" She said, her blush starting to fade. It looked funny, he decided. You didn't usually see the kind of woman in this kind of outfit blushing. "Aaron's wanted me to read to him every night from the book you gave him" she said with a small, shy smile.

"Uh that's nice" Sawyer said gruffly, hell he wasn't sure what to say.

"I know" she said and then seemed to remember something "Oh your beer, I'm a pretty bad waitress" she laughed and then disappeared behind the counter, then resurfaced plunking two beer bottles down on the counter.

"Okay, I got to go actually work here for a little bit, I'll catch you on your way out" She said with a wide smile and turned on her heal, flouncing cheerfully into the backroom.

"Damn boy" Uncle Wade said in a husky voice, plopping down next to him and looking at the unintentional sway of Claire's hips. "You make your move?" he asked with a wolfish grin and took a long swig of his beer.

"We're friends" Sawyer said, 'But you don't want to be' that simple phrase echoed that his co-worker had said, he cursed Mackenzie for getting it all right about three times a day.

"Oh just waiting for the right minute to get her between the sheets?" Wade asked with a wink.

"She's got kids" Sawyer said, feeling the need to defend the absent Claire.

Wade must have taken his anger for disappointment because he heaved a sigh, slapping his shoulder "What a waste" he said mournfully and the shithead next to him actually gave a nod of agreement.

Sawyer felt his blood boil and he took a long sip of beer before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Shut the fuck up Wade" he said simply before leaving a two fives on the table. "Half of this is a tip for Claire" he said to Frank, standing up who nodded in return.

"We're not leaving" Wade said incredulously "I didn't even finish my beer, James"

"Too bad, Wade. Move your ass, we're leaving" he said bitterly fishing his car keys out of his pocket.

"Hey" he heard and turned around finding himself face to face with Claire. "You're leaving already?" she asked and Sawyer just nodded still fuming.

"You should drop by sometime" she told him, her eyebrows were brought together and she was looking directly into his eyes, which unnerved him a little bit "The kids like you, for some strange reason" and she must have noticed a shift, a glimmer of hurt flashed in his eyes and she picked up on it.

"I'm sorry" she said and reached out and squeezed his arm and he found himself pulling her closer.

"That's okay" he said huskily and tilted her chin up, moving into capture her lips with his. He was so close until…

"Miss?" the breastman called and Sawyer had completely forgotten about everyone in there watching him get interrupted again. Amber, the older waitress with the maroon frizz and the heavy blue eye shadow, Frank the bartender with the mop of curly black hair and a beer belly, Uncle Wade with his tacky shirt and bemused expression, and he focused in especially on the breastman with his rosy cheeks and empty bottle. "Another beer please"

"Okay, just one second" she said turning around to face him before giving him her full attention again. She kissed him quickly on the cheek. "Drop by the apartment sometime soon" she said before touching his arm again "Don't be a stranger okay?" and he nodded a little dumbfounded.

He stepped outside into the cold night, the sun was sinking and the sky was pretty. He took a moment to study it while his complaining uncle climbed into the truck. The oranges and the pinks, the light blue and the violet mixing together to make something truly amazing.

He had always liked overcast skies; he liked to think that said something about him. But watching the sunk sink lower and lower into the sky, the pink reminded him of the way Claire's cheeks got when she was embarrassed, and the softness of the sky looked as soft as her soft alabaster skin.

A thought struck him; the fact that he was comparing the sunset to a woman said something about him.


	11. Job Offer

A/N: Thank you to the reviewers as always. I am now officially finished writing HH so I'll be updating about once a week. There are only 17 chapters. Okay, so I hope you all enjoy this chapter and please review. It makes my day!

Chapter 11: Job Offer

Sawyer sat in the staff room, a book beside him as he hesitantly ate his homemade turkey sandwich; he considered the limp lettuce and deli meat turkey on the soggy whole wheat bread. He heaved a sigh and threw it into the trash can, it gave a defeated thump. He went back to reading but he heard his stomach give a low growl, actually it was more like an earthquake. He glanced longingly at the trashcan, the small eruption changing his mind about the sandwich. He noticed someone else looking into the garbage as well and was startled to see Phyllis, the head librarian glancing at the garbage, an amused smile playing on her naked lips and an eyebrow rose in jest.

Phyllis was a librarian name. It seemed like destiny a woman in her late forties named Phyllis was a librarian, let alone a _head _librarian, an instant mental picture came to mind. A woman with salt and pepper hair tied back in a thick braid, with sad eyes, heavy crow's feat, a small crack in between her two front teeth and a wardrobe consisting mostly of baggy dresses with floral prints. But that wasn't her...

She had short cropped steely grey hair that fell just below her ears. She had warm honey eyes, usually encircled by a faint trail of eyeliner and mascara, but she never wore anything on her pale lips. She was slender and small and always dressed in black.

"Hello James" she said with that same small smile, her speech was short and clipped, endlessly professional. "What is it about men and their incapability to make a sandwich?" she asked with a laughing tone in her voice.

Sawyer could only shrug but his stomach did enough talking for him as it gave another pleading growl. Phyllis studied him pityingly before taking out a banana from her shoulder bag and passing it to him.

"Thanks" he said gratefully and pealed back the peal before taking a bite.

"Your very welcome" she said with that knowing half smile of hers. "If my husband, Michael was a bachelor such as yourself, he'd have starved to death years ago"

Phyllis adored calling people by their full names. Mackenzie had feebly just tried to go by Kenzie during her first month but Phyllis refused to call her niece anything else but her full name. "You can just call me…" was a foreign phrase to the woman, and Sawyer sincerely doubted her husband wanted to be called Michael in that intimate way she said it, with her clipped speech. Most men would be happy just to be Mikes.

"If I were the kind of woman that fawned over their husbands he'd probably be completely hopeless" she added "Right now he's having secretary troubles. His secretary is on maternity leave, and he's not even sure if she'll be coming back. And he can't find anyone" she said and punctuated this statement with a roll of her eyes. "Naturally he wants Mackenzie to do it, but I'm not letting her get away from my clutches so easily" She said and winked, playfully.

Sawyer had a rare moment of epiphany. "I might have someone for the job" he said and Phyllis raised an eyebrow.

"Really" she said, more as a statement then a question.

"Oh yeah, um her name is Claire and she's a single mom, very sweet, very responsible" Sawyer rattled off, would Claire even want his help? He knew she was proud, would she mind him trying to get a job interview for her?

"Where is she currently employed?" Phyllis asked looking interested.

Sawyer heaved a sigh; he knew it had been too good to be true "Finnegan's" he answered.

And this time she raised both of her eyebrows.

"But she's got two small kids. And her ex-husband just died and her son is getting teased at school because of her job, and just everything is fucked up for her" he rambled on and Phyllis looked on a faint worry crease between her eyebrows growing. "And she's just such an amazing person" he continued, he was alarmed to see a hint of a smile of Phyllis's lips. "I just wanted to try and do something good for her" he finished his tangent and was surprised to find Phyllis breaking into a full on grin.

"James, James, James" she chided "Your in love" she said, her eyes twinkling.

He opened his mouth to deny it to spout the meaningless phrase "just friends" but he knew he could never be just friends with Claire. "I know" he said gruffly.

"I'll tell Mike about her" Phyllis said with a wink.

--

The doorbell rang and he heaved a sigh hoisting himself off the sofa and walking towards the door. It was a few days after the conversation with Phyllis in the lunchroom. And she left him a sandwich in a Tupperware container in the staff room, a ripped piece of paper was scotch taped on the lid, which read "She got it!" he had tried to call her when he got home, but Layla had matter-of-factly informed him that she was at work.

He opened the door, not entirely surprised to see her in her work uniform. "Hey" he said but she just walked inside, her heavy wool coat, brushing against him.

"Is your uncle still here?" she asked, Sawyer wished she wasn't so unreadable. He couldn't tell if she was happy or pissed off. And the question didn't help him at all.

"Uh no, Wade left a few days ago when he figured out I wasn't gonna try and entertain him" Sawyer said with a smirk and as soon as Claire heard that they were alone, tears welled up in her eyes and her posture changed.

"You got me a job" She said, her voice cracking.

"I'm sorry?" he said confused, just why was she sad? Angry and Happy he had expected but sad? He hadn't been expecting that.

"Don't be a smartass" she snapped, a tear dangled dangerously on her eyelashes before falling and trickling down her pale cheek.

"I wasn't tryin' to be!" he exclaimed, he inched a little closer to her. "Why are you cryin'?"

"Oh I don't know" she said her voice weak, but still full of sarcasm "Maybe because it's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me"

"It was nothin'" he said growing embarrassed.

She rolled her eyes. "Why are you so afraid of people thinking you're a good person?" she asked, furrowing her slender eyebrows, worry creases taking up room on her forehead.

"Because I aint!" he snapped "Just cause I do a few good things for you don't make up for all the shit things I did for just about everyone else"

She looked concerned and moved closer, placing her soft hand on his sandpapery cheek. "Stop torturing yourself" she whispered, another tear trickled down her cheek, for him.

"It ain't that easy" he said, his voice barely a rumble.

"Let me help" she asked, brushing her soft fingertips against his lips. "Let me be a part of you" she instructed.

"You can't change me" he snapped, he had his share of those. Women who thought their presence could change his whole being, his past, his future. "You can't save me"

"I don't want to" she whispered, before closing the gap between them, her soft lips covering his, shielding him from his past, from himself for just a fleeting moment before she pulled away, looking unsure. She laughed at herself and turned towards the door before he grabbed her arm pulling her close again, arms encircling her tiny frame before capturing her mouth in a scorching kiss.

It was the best kiss of his life. And he'd had quite a few kisses. Sweet and tantalizing or rough and passionate nothing could compare to his and Claire's first kiss. After she had left, after a few more hurried kisses and an instruction to call her tomorrow, he laid on his bed, trying to classify the kiss. Was it sweet? Or was it scorching? He decided he needed a new category for that kiss. Redemption kisses.


	12. A Day Together

A/N: Aw, thanks to all the great reviews. I'm so glad you liked the last chapter. There was actually a six month gap between that one and this one, considering I went through the worst block ever. But yes, enjoy this fluffy chapter. And please review!

Chapter 12: A day together

What had he gotten himself into? He attempted to make himself comfortable on the infamous brown chesterfield, but it felt like sitting on a glob of lumpy mashed potatoes, hard in some parts and then enveloping his body, so much so that he was afraid of being swallowed by the second hand sofa.

The other thing keeping him from making himself comfortable with the little girl, dressed in fuzzy tweety bird pajamas that was watching him with a careful eye. They had an unofficial staring contest before Sawyer blinked and the little girl shrieked, triumphant.

"What?" Sawyer asked suspiciously.

"You blinked" Layla answered matter-of-factly.

"The rule is if you look away" he corrected her.

"Nu-uh!" she argued with such childish conviction, Sawyer's stubbornness almost lost out and he almost took her word for it.

"Uh-huh" he argued back and the bossy, four year old shook her head roughly. Pigtails tousled from sleep, bobbing vigorously.

"Everyone knows it's if you blink" she said.

Sawyer opened his mouth to reply, a childish comeback perched on his tongue. Until something interrupted him, the off key singing of "Living on a Prayer" from the bathroom, drowning out the water from the shower and Sawyer and Layla's juvenile argument.

Even Layla found it highly amusing; she put her hand over her small mouth and giggled heartily. Sawyer allowed himself to grin. Bon Jovi? At least he had a new nickname for her. He could just picture Claire dancing around in the shower, using a shampoo bottle as a substitute microphone. Her wet hair falling over her delicate shoulders, warm water dripping down her back. He shook his head, and felt slightly ashamed about having such thoughts about the Layla's mother.

He cleared his throat, half-heartedly forcing these images of Claire out of his mind. "Where's Aaron?" he asked, attempting to change the conversation, and get that alarming mental picture out of his head. It was only making him even more uncomfortable.

"He slept over at his friend, Joey's" she answered "So last night, after Mommy got back from work, we had a girl's night and she put green goopy stuff on my face and painted my toenails" Layla raised a delicate foot, resting it on the couch next to him. Her tiny toenails were painted hot pink, a color associated with pepto bismal and plastic Barbie convertibles.

He heard the water cut off. And her singing a few more painfully cheesy lyrics before it was quiet again. He looked expectantly at Layla who was examining her toes with a small smile on her face. The creaky bathroom door opened and Claire walked out, in a ratty plaid bathrobe. She was drying her hair with a towel and her mouth was opened, a word or a sentence was probably on the tip of her tongue, but she stopped when she saw Sawyer sitting on her couch. "Hey" she said, her face lighting up, a smile playing on her lips.

"Hey I just thought, I'd drop by... But you were in the shower" he stumbled awkwardly, rising to his feet.

"No, I'm glad you stayed" she said, the smile glued permanently to her lips.

"Even though I heard you singing" he taunted.

"The 90's" Claire said with a weak shrug. And Sawyer sent her a knee-weakening smile, just showing the dimples slightly which made Claire's stomach flip flop like a five year old doing her first summersault, which prompted Claire to make her following proposition.

"Babe, why don't you dress yourself this morning" Claire suggested.

Layla's eyes lit up with a childish kind of joy and she tore off down the hall into her bedroom.

"Oh no, I've created a monster" Claire chuckled; craning her neck to make sure Layla was in her bedroom, rooting through dresser drawers for something suitable to wear. "The last time I let her dress herself, it was pretty scary. These terrible orange leggings paired with a sweater with a homicidal clown on the back that Charlie's mum had knitted for her, and then the scrunchies-"Claire had began to describe her daughter's choice in hair accessories before Sawyer had silenced this description by covering her lips roughly. They unceremoniously fell back onto the lumpy sofa, which in turn gave a loud squeak of protest.

Naturally this made Claire burst into a giggle fit. Frustrated Sawyer tried to keep on kissing her, but it really was being more of a hindrance then a help. Much like a thirteen year old boy Claire imitated the sound the sofa made, laughter and snorting erupted from her. And Sawyer much like a thirteen year old boy persistently tried to kiss her, until the snorting. That was just a mood killer.

Sawyer was visibly disappointed; after all, he had tossed and turned all night, steamy scenarios rolling through his sleep deprived mind. Instead he was finding that they were two fart jokes away from Claire taking up skateboarding, watching an excess of the Family Guy and officially becoming a thirteen year old boy.

Claire felt bad and chewed on the inside of her cheek, to stop her laughter. She leaned over starting to kiss him. Just like a cranky child, he didn't respond to the apology right away, but soon his lips started to move against hers, apparently accepting her request for forgiveness.

All thoughts of boys flew out of his mind as Claire started kissing him. He was just getting into it when he heard an ominous clunking sound, accompanied by a shrill clacking and Claire broke away regretfully, scooting away from him just in time as Layla made her re-appearance, looking like a Thumbelina on Ritalin. Dressed in black sequined leggings, a green t-shirt and a green tutu from the brief period of which she was obsessed with ballet. She was also wearing a pair of her mother's red high heels and dragging a huge plastic container.

"You look perfect Hun" Claire announced, standing up, and heading towards the kitchen, but not before dropping an affectionate kiss on her Daughter's head. While Sawyer remained in his spot, glancing at the container warily. He had seen it once before, it held her vast collection, of perfect plastic figurines. Barbies.

"Mommy" Layla said with a wide smile and made a sweeping arm gesture to the bin, Sawyer was instantly reminded of Vana White without a stylist.

"After breakfast" Claire called from the kitchen. Layla seemed to accept this and started "setting up" apparently it was quite involved and Layla had a system because she kept on muttering things under her breath. He smiled as he watched her lift a Barbie out of the container, who was instantly deemed Spring Break Barbie, by Sawyer. Her tousled blonde hair, was a messy halo was around her head. She was wearing only a pair of hideous hot pink and lime green hot pants. Layla looked scandalized by the bare, hard, plastic mounds, that she started searching for a top to match the infamous pants. Sawyer watched her, interested by her determination.

Claire cleared her throat loudly, crossing her arms as she appeared in the doorway. Sawyer was too intrigued by Layla's mission; she was half in the container now, her legs sticking out comically. Rolling her eyes, Claire grabbed the newspaper on the table and threw it at him. It nearly hit him and ricocheted off the wall, landing on the couch with a dull thud.

He glanced up at her smirking face, eyes wide. "How do you like your eggs, Cowboy?" was he enquiry. It took him a moment to register what she was saying and managed to say "uh -Sunny side up".

She smiled and turned on her heel, disappearing back into the kitchen. "I want scrambled!" Layla called, her voice muffled from deep inside the container, still determined to find the perfect top.

"I know, I know" Claire's voice drifted out from the kitchen, the hiss of bacon on the frying pan almost drowning her soft voice out. He picked up the newspaper, his eyes scanning over the headlines, not really taking anything in. He felt the couch shift as Claire sat down next to him; her shoulder softly brushing against his. He smelt peaches as he always did around her, he was about to ask her if it was the shampoo she used. But then Layla's voice interrupted the not formed question. "Aha!" she said, shooting her arm up, victoriously. A pink strappy top, just perfect for little Miss. Spring Break, clenched in her fist. He heard Claire's soft giggling in his ear, mixing in with Layla's triumphant voice. It occurred to Sawyer that this was how Sunday mornings we're meant to be spent.

--

"But I can't go to the party" Claire protested, wiggling a doll with carrot orange hair, a gnawed off foot (Apparently from the time when Layla had desperately tried to play dolls with the now late hamster, Snicklefritz) and two green rims around her eyes, from when Layla had tried to beautify the doll. Perhaps feeling guilty about the hamster incident, but she had since learned that marker wasn't exactly the best instrument to apply eye shadow. "I don't have any nice clothes" she continued, in a voice way higher then her own, and exaggerating her accent.

"That's okay, I'll lend you something" Layla's perfect Blonde with scraggily hair and a tube top that was riding dangerously low replied. "I'm so pretty and rich that I have millions of glamoroos gowns" Layla added in a "posh" sounding voice.

"Glamorous" Aaron corrected from the couch, where he was finishing a math sheet. Sawyer had tried to whisper him the answers but when Claire lightly smacked him on the back of the head, he had reluctantly stopped.

It was now about noon; Aaron had returned from the sleepover, was only lightly chastised by his mother for putting his math homework off.

Sawyer smirked watching Claire go along with all of Layla's outrageous plot twists. This included a mermaid princess and the fact that Claire's doll with the green raccoon eyes was evil and wanted to steal from the beautiful, popular Princess Mimi.

"Aha!" Claire said in a terrible French accent ("Pretend Lola is French, Mommy!") "Now zat zee Preencess iz gone, I shall steal 'er diamonds!" Claire plotted, her doll forced to waddle over to a plastic microwave oven, which was acting as the safe.

Claire could feel him looking at her; she glanced up and found herself blushing when she saw his trademark smirk on his lips. She shyly smiled and looked back down at her daughter's mangled Barbie doll.

Layla was growing listless with the dolls despite her mother's enthusiasm. She was now just swiping a hard, miniature brush through Mimi's hair, trying to work out a matted section.

Aaron however, unlike his sister had noticed his Mother blushing. Something he had not seen since arriving at Finnegan's too early. A man, slurring his words and announcing the things he'd like to do to Claire. Aaron didn't even really understand what he meant, but he knew it couldn't be good, seeing as Auntie Karen turned white as a sheet and placed both of her hands over his ears, protectively, as Claire looked over at them, her cheeks burning and humiliation hijacking her normally cheerful features.

But this time it was different. This time she was smiling.

--

Claire felt embarrassed as hot tears sprung to her eyes. Layla and Aaron were sprawled on the floor, and Finding Nemo was playing. Sawyer was sitting on the sofa stiffly and Claire was stretched out on her stomach, her feet extended to his lap, where he regarded the yellow ankle songs with pink ants on them warily.

Sawyer heard a loud sniff coming from Claire's direction. He tilted his head, trying to get a good look at her face, but since she was lying leisurely on her stomach, all he saw was the back of her head, blonde curls tumbling down her shoulders and shielding her face from his inquisitive gaze.

His curiosity managed to win out and he squeezed her foot, trying to get her attention. She lifted her head warily and was met with his teasing grin. "You're cryin' at a damn Disney movie"

He didn't have time to duck before she savagely threw the cushion she had propped her head up on at him, and Layla gave a mischievous giggle from her place on the floor before averting her eyes back to the movie.

"It reminds me of when I lost Layla in a grocery store" she mumbled, shooting a death glare in his general vicinity. As she watched the father fish flap about, desperately calling out his son's name.

Sawyer tried to withhold his grin, but was unable to. Claire raised her small foot, clad in the childish socks and kicked him in the gut.

"You're a dick, you know that" she muttered crossly. But she slowly felt her anger melt away when he started rubbing her feet, which she took as an apology. She knew that Sawyer was stubborn; it was something they had in common.

--

His eyes shifted from each slight blonde person gathered around the circular wooden table. This was all a little too 7th Heaven for him. Layla and Claire had grabbed his hands, almost subconsciously. A blonde curtain of hair fell in Claire's face, her head bowed, her voice soft and gentle as she thanked god for many things, Layla and Aaron occasionally adding their own thanks to the list. Claire closed off the prayer with a gentle amen, and the kid's immediately dug into the chicken nuggets in dinosaur shapes and fries Claire and lazily dumped onto a cookie sheet and shoved in the oven a half an hour ago.

She caught him looking at her, not smiling or frowning or anything, just staring. She felt a leg shift under the cramped table, scratched and scraped, Layla's self portrait of squiggles on the left-hand corner from the time she had discovered pen. She glanced down, seeing Sawyer's jean covered leg pressing against her own. She flushed slightly as Layla yammered on. "Eat your stegosaurus" Claire chided lightly, smoothing her daughter's soft blonde hair back, and returning the stare, locking her own cool blue eyes with the hungry ones staring back at her,

--

Claire smiled, leaning against the doorframe, watching Sawyer awkwardly read a passage out of "A Wrinkle in Time" Aaron's birthday gift.

"Again they focused their eyes on the crystal ball. The earth with its fearful covering of dark shadow swam out of view and they moved rapidly through the Milky Way. And there was the thing again" Sawyer finished the paragraph and gasped in a breath, seeing as he had read the paragraph in one hurried breath.

Claire gently rested her hands on his broad shoulders and he jumped, turning his head around to look at her. "Hi" she said, a soft smile gracing her lips "I think Aaron's asleep" she added, motioning her head over to her son looking peaceful, his chest rising and falling. "Maybe if you looked up from the book you would have seen that" she teased, although she found his nervousness endearing.

He didn't say anything, only shooting her a dark look. "Come on" she said, rolling her eyes and yanking him up off the desk chair that had been rolled over to Aaron's bed. She guided him out of Aaron's room and gently shut the door behind both of them.

"Layla?" Sawyer asked, leaning against the wall next to Aaron's door.

"In bed" Claire answered, looking at him with a bemused expression, eyebrows raised.

"Okay then" he said with a grin, gently leaning in to kiss her. When they're lips met Claire felt dizzy, like she wasn't on solid ground. This was time was softer then earlier in the day, less urgent.

Sawyer was surprised to find her grabbing his hands, leading her into the one room in the house he hadn't set foot in, her bedroom. Surprised, not disappointed though. She opened the door and he was stunned. While the rest of Claire's house was manic and colorful her room looked like something out of another world. The walls were a sky blue; an old antique looking sleigh bed was pushed against a wall, with a matching dresser on the other side of the room. Everything was so calm and relaxed, compared to the looseness of the rest of the house. It was also meticulously clean. He walked over to her dresser, where some pictures were stuck in the corner of her mirror, some models and some real women; Layla was there, along with Claire herself, and even Charlie's mother. A black and white photograph of a woman who bore a striking resemblance to Claire was also tucked in neatly.

"Can you see the contrast?" she asked, and Sawyer glanced over to see her sitting on her bed. "The models look unreal compared to real women, it's pretty striking and it helps me remind myself that I don't have to look like that"

Sawyer walked back over to where she was sitting, plopping down next to her. "Well I think you're beautiful" he told her, running his hand up her arm.

She laughed, turning to face him "You always know the right thing to say" she said before leaning in to kiss him.

--

Things escalated pretty quickly, Claire found herself lying back on the bed, her shirt partly undone, bra exposed, Sawyer hovering over her. "Claire" he said his voice sounding husky. "Are you sure?" This was different for him, he couldn't help but think. Normally he would go one full steam ahead, not giving them a chance to change their mind. If they both stayed lost in the moment, then his conquest wouldn't have time to realize how wrong it was, staying in the moment, not thinking that she shouldn't be hooking up, not with this person or in the usual sickening hotel room. Claire was right, he did always say the right things but this time he didn't want to be that guy that was thought about only with regret. He wanted to see Claire again the next morning.

She nodded her head immediately bringing her mouth up again to his. As he finished unbuttoning her shirt, throwing it on the floor, he was completely done with being hesitant.

--

Claire woke up, feeling disoriented. The sheets were pulled tight against her naked frame as she glanced over expecting to see Sawyer sleeping soundly.. Instead all she saw as an empty spot, she furrowed her eyebrows, starting to get pissed off. He did not have sex with her and leave without saying anything. If he did, she was going to make him wish he didn't. Claire stood up, throwing on a baggy t-shirt and a pair of panties. She opened her bedroom door and saw Sawyer sitting on the couch with Layla. She was in the middle of a request.

"Please?" The four year old asked urgently.

Sawyer heaved a hassled sigh, and regarded her daughter with disdain. "Fine" he relented and forced himself to cheerfully smile. Layla giggled and stuck her delicate pointer finger into one of his dimples.

"Okay you touched 'em we had a deal now you can go back to bed" he ordered and Layla happily complied, scampering down the hallway, not noticing her Mother, leaning against the doorframe, trying not to laugh.

Sawyer glanced up and saw her there, that stupid knowing smile playing on her lips. He stood up walking towards her. "You did not see that" he said commandingly, walking back into the bedroom.

"Yes I did!" Claire exclaimed, childishly, closing the door behind them. Although Claire was pretending to be nonchalant she was so relieved he didn't leave.

She knew now, she had nothing to worry about.


	13. Radio

A/N: Hey guys! Thanks so much for all the reviews. I need to single out lipslikemorphine because not only has she reviewed like every chapter so far, practically but she also liked the stegosaurous line, which I think it one of the only lines I really, really dig and no one has even commented on that, so thank you! This chapter chronicles my foray into angst, which lasts a few chapters.. to say the least. It's kind of short and is just meant as a transition chap, but I got to flesh out my fav. character in this whole thing, so bonus. Read and Review!

He wasn't sure when the gradual shift had occurred. It made him think of Pangea. Something he had learned in science class when he was a boy. Once according to some scientist all the continents had been joined together until some earthquake or explosion had blown them all apart, drifting off on their own. Settling to form North America or Asia. Except he knew where he was going, unlike the drifting fragments of land. He knew he was heading to Claire.

Before he came home from work, watched television ate dinner, read and then fell asleep on the sofa.

Now he was finding himself doing things he hadn't done in years. Taking walks, Layla raised high on his shoulders, while her clammy, fragile fingers gripped onto his sandpaper-y chin, helping Claire fold laundry and do the dishes.

Sawyer probably would have minded this domestication before the island. But now it was a relief. Hell, he was already sadly tame at his house, following the same lackadaisical routine. At least with Claire and the kids, things were new. Yeah, they rarely did anything over-exciting but in the brightly colored apartment with Layla's constant chattering and Claire's musical giggles things just felt better than at this grey, monotonous house. For Sawyer he was finding solace with being with the Littleton's rather than alone, and that was truly a first.

He was also learning a lot about Claire. He knew she listened to Billie Holiday when she did the dishes, hated the smell of patchouli, she fractured Charlie's hand when giving birth to Layla, she hated having her picture taken and would do anything for her children.

He learned something else too; she was the most stubborn person he knew. When Claire was right, she was right; unless of course it was the one time she thought she was wrong. And she could argue until she was blue in the face. Until knowing he wouldn't relent, so she'd just collapse on the ancient chesterfield and throw up her hands, labeling him impossible.

He also learned something else, something about their life behind the closed door of Claire's bedroom. She had no sense of naiveté when it came to them having sex. She was far more experienced than Sawyer would have thought. He wasn't quite sure if this observation was a good thing or a bad thing. But he had learned all he needed to know when Claire immerged from the bathroom in only a cowboy hat, a pair of underpants and a pair of boots.

(A/n: Make your own Cowgirl joke there. I always wanted to go somewhere with that nickname)

He also learned a lot from the kids. Layla informed him of the magnificent world of Barbies. And Aaron was happy to teach him the dynamics of the family. Little warnings whispered secretly here and there. Layla would do anything to get out of going to bed and Claire hated it when you wore shoes inside the house.

Sawyer would never tell but Layla and Aaron were his secret soft spot. He had begun to care about them as much as Claire. Aaron might be the obvious child to worry about but lately his attention had been drawn to Layla. Happy, energetic, bubbly, personable Layla. That had been his overall impression of her until one sleepy Sunday afternoon. Claire was peeling potatoes, the radio blasting and Aaron was keeping his Mother company at the round kitchen table. Sawyer was flopped over on the couch staring at his toes idly. Layla had been perched on the counter yammering away incessantly, everyone in awhile allowing her mother or Aaron to get a word in edgewise. That was until the first few notes of a song drifted out through the speaker of the stereo. And then for the first time, there was complete silence in the bright apartment on Mockingbird Crescent.

He recognized after a moment the tune. Layla by Eric Clapton. Layla Littleton half jumped, half tumbled off the counter so quickly that Sawyer almost didn't see her heartbreaking crumpled face. She threw herself on the sofa, her petite figure facing away from him. Her sobs were so passionate they made no noise, but he could see the four year old's shoulder's shaking visibly. He glanced back at Aaron, the young boy's eyes were filled with unshed tears and noticeable hurt. Claire jumped up frantically, nearly knocking her chair over. In a matter of seconds the radio was turned off.

This only made Layla cry harder. And when she did make a noise is was a guttural moan. Sawyer didn't know what possessed him to do this but he reached over, gently smoothing a rough hand over her silky blonde head. She turned around to face him, a string of snot dripping from her nose and her blue eyes red rimmed. She buried her snotty face into his chest and his arms found their way around her trembling body. If Sawyer knew one thing it was that he never wanted to see the bubbly four year old like this again.

Later on, after Claire took her into the bathroom and washed her with lavender soap. Any therapeutic effect was lost on Layla as her deep moans and whimpers were clearly heard through the bathroom door. As well as the occasional proclamation that she wanted her Daddy. When she came out, she looked miserable. Her pajama's were wrinkled and the bottoms of the legs too short, showing her bony ankles. She walked over, wrapping her fleshy baby arms around Aaron before walking over to him, planting a slobbery kiss on his cheek and leaning in, whispering "I love you" secretly in his ear before allowing her mother to lead her off to bed.

He ushered Aaron off to his own bed, wordlessly flicking off the light as he left. He collapsed into Claire's bed and watched as she joined him a minute later. He moved to wrap his arm around her as he noticed tears streaming from her eyes. As he held his quivering girlfriend tightly, his body spooning into hers, he had only one thought.

He would try and fix this broken family.


	14. Dinner with Friends

A/N: Hey guys, only three chapters left! Thanks so much to the reviewers as always, you guys are so terrific! Okay, enjoy this chapter and review please! I meant update a little sooner for this one..

Chapter 14: Dinner with Friends

"Please?" she asked, sitting on the counter top like she often scolded Layla for doing. Sawyer simply shot her a dangerous look as he continued to spread peanut butter on his toast. "But they're my friends!" Claire announced, crossing her arms haughtily across her chest.

"It's Shannon!" he said throwing his hands up in the air, his stubbornness wavering slightly at the stony look on her face.

"She's my friend" she repeated once more "Sayid too. And we never do anything _fun" _She argued, squinting her eyes.

"Sorry if I think spending time with you and the kids is fun, then" he said with a sincere look playing on his features.

Claire snorted, pushing herself off the counter. "Cut the bullshit, you're going" she said pointing at him, before storming down the hallway, and into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her

"Yeah well I'm not getting dressed up!" he shouted to her closed door. He sighed rubbing his calloused hand down his face. This was something it seemed he'd never get used to. He was so accustomed to smooth talking his way out of fights, but Claire never bought it. Even when he was being honest. It seemed like Charlie and Aaron's dickhead father had taught her to always be on her guard. And it appeared, she wasn't letting it down anytime soon.

Well neither was he.

--

"Fucking dinner with stupid ass ties" he muttered angrily, tugging slightly on the necktie as he stood in Claire's apartment lobby. His fingers found his way to the button which read Layla's name before his brain had time to process it. "Come up, dickhead" Claire's tinny voice instructed through the speaker Sawyer rolled his eyes at the rusted speaker, opening the door and grudgingly making his way to the Littleton apartment where he spent all of his time, lately.

He opened the door, and was surprised to see a girl around fifteen or so lounging on the sofa with Layla on her lap. They were playing "Miss. Mary" the older girl leading the chant, Layla stumbling over her words clumsily but making up in exuberance. Claire was seated on the floor, painting her toenails, mouthing along with the words. "I know I know my Ma, I Know I know my Pa, I know I know my sister with a 20 meter bra, bra, BRA" the pigtailed teenager finished in a victorious, loud voice. She looked up finally, her eyes sweeping up and down, appraisingly. She turned to look at Claire and gave her a thumbs up.

"Delia can we play Barbies?" Layla asked and Delia, the babysitter Claire was so fond of nodded excitedly, standing up and prancing down the hallway hand in hand with Layla excitedly leading.

"Well now I see where she gets it from" Sawyer said observantly, shoving his hands in the pockets of his dress pants. Claire laughed, standing up and brushing the seat of her strapless black dress. She took a few steps towards him, "Look, I'm sorry for being a bitch lately, I just feel so rundown and a little stressed" she said apologetically, but there was still a bit of defensiveness in her voice that he picked up on.

"Don't worry about it" he said with a grin, and she seemed to deflate with nervous energy and moved in to hug him. He wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her arms he realized she had put on a bit of weight, but he wasn't about to comment on this right after he had got in her good books once again. She pressed her face into his chest, mumbling "I love you", he felt the tiny reverberations from her voice and her warm breath. She seemed tense; like she was worried he wouldn't reciprocate.

Sawyer nodded, tightening his arms around her and dropping an affectionate kiss on top of her head, before she looked up with him, as she tried her wipe the lingering disappointment of her face but failing miserably. Sawyer could see it clear as day. He gently traced his calloused fingertips along the soft line of her jaw before kissing her sweetly. He was hoping that it would convey what he wasn't quite ready to put into words yet.

--

"It's been too long" Claire announced finally breaking away from her and Shannon's endless embrace. "You look lovely" she said taking a step back from her best friend and surveying her honeymoon tan and bright eyes, feeling a little jealous. She looked like Casper the not-so friendly ghost. She honestly didn't know why she was in such a grumpy state for the past couple of weeks; well actually that was a fib. She knew exactly why. She just wasn't ready to admit it to herself.

"You look fucking hot" was Shannon's crude response. She had never been one for beating around the bush. Claire glanced at Sawyer and Sayid who had exchanged a gruff handshake and were already seated across from each other at the table. Shannon and Claire joined them, sitting next to their respective dates and Shannon picked up the menu eagerly. "I'm sooo starved" Shannon said running her French manicured finger down the list of the appetizers. "I'm getting shrimp!" Shannon announced tapping her choice appetizer. Claire raised her eyebrows as she saw Sawyer pull a face.

"I hate shrimp" Sawyer said as a way of explanation to Claire's inquisitive glance.

"Well I've been craving it all day, so too bad" Shannon said playfully sticking her tongue out at Sawyer before shooting Sayid a meaningful glance that wasn't lost on Claire. She felt jealousy simmer deep down in her stomach.

They made small talk, Shannon and Sayid telling them stories from their honeymoon in a small Greek island where all the old, pruny ladies despised Shannon and her infamous short skirts. Claire told them how Layla had strolled up to man with a beer belly in the mall and asked him how many babies he had in there.

After shrieking with laughter Shannon looked at Sayid and said "Should we tell them now?" with a hundred watt smile. Sayid shrugged, not being able to contain his own wild grin. Claire had already suspected this but managed to look puzzled for Shannon's sake. She remembered how much she loved telling people with Layla.

"We're expecting!" Shannon shrieked.

--

"Bye, babe" Shannon said, squeezing Claire tight outside of the entrance for the restaurant.

"Love you, Shan" Claire said, kissing her best friend on the cheek, taking in the familiar scent of some kind of perfume Claire didn't even know the name was, but it burnt her nostrils and was _very _Shannon.

"My turn" Sayid said with a teasing smile, and hugged Claire politely. All of the sudden, Claire inexplicably felt like crying, sobbing deeply into the shoulder of the warm husband of her best friend, passing all her troubles over onto his broad shoulders and taking solace in his warm brown eyes. But instead she pulled away, taking her place next to the man who couldn't even be bothered to tell her that he loved her.

--

Claire groaned, resting her head against the toilet seat. How horrible was that dinner? Having to sit there while Shannon and Sayid happily and proudly announced their news while she kept hers secret. She felt another bout of nausea course through her body and she let out a low moan, tears seeping into her eyes. The door opened a crack and Claire looked up from where she was sitting on the bathroom floor, sitting primly on the furry bathmat, her face tear streaked and snotty. She couldn't help it but when she vomited she also cried. It was a big, messy, gross package. She was expecting to see Layla, who had been nervously checking on her every five minutes but instead saw Sawyer, who looked the picture of concern.

"I thought that asparagus looked a little iffy" he said, taking a seat next to her and taking her hand, his thumb rubbing comforting circles against her shaky hand.

He thought it was food poisoning, bless his heart. "Yeah" she muttered her voice husky.

She knew he was a commitment-phobic and she was fine with that. She was planning on trying to ease them comfortably into a more serious relationship before pulling out any of the deal breakers, marriage, kids.

"How did you get here?" Claire asked, she was impressed she managed to get a whole sentence out in her current state, even a slightly accusatory one. But Sawyer didn't seem fazed

"Layla and Aaron called, they were worried" he said, pulling her closer and she wearily rested her head on his sturdy shoulder. This as well was nearly too much. Her children, her sweet, darling children. She wanted another one. She felt guilty for sometimes getting a little twinge of excitement, thinking about it. But he didn't, she kept on reminding herself

"Claire, I love you too and I've been thinking about it and this place is such a dump, I mean you've got like three crack heads living on this floor alone. I would like it if you and Aaron and Layla to move into my place" he announced, giving her shoulder a squeeze.

She knew she was supposed to be thrilled, and she would have been otherwise. But the circumstances were much bigger than her and his lovely proposition. She was so tired of pretending now, she took a deep breath. She was going to do this, it was now or never.

"Sawyer, I need to tell you something"


	15. Revelations

A/N: So sorry for the long wait for this chapter, which I realize is quite evil considering the cliffhanger, I'll try to update again for the next chapter. Thank you so much to all the reviewers as always, I get so excited when I get a new review. So enjoy this chapter!!

"Sawyer, I need to tell you something"

He watched as she nervously tugged her hand through her hair, her eyes darting around the cramped bathroom, focusing on a bottle of nail polish remover before reluctantly raising to meet his own prying eyes. Her tongue darted out and moistened her lips.

"I'm pregnant" she said softly, almost as if it was an apology.

The silence was deafening, he could vaguely hear the theme song for Sponge Bob blaring in the next room. But it seemed like another world away. Pregnant. He was a father. He was a fuckwit on all accounts, no matter how many country songs there was on the subject as he was concerned, once a fuckwit, always a fuckwit. The love of a good woman had no chance in changing that. Good women had tried to love him before and look were that got him.

"How?" he managed to croak out.

"Uhm, that time we were pissed drunk and it came off" Claire said, looking at directly at him. It seemed as though she was gauging his response.

"How far?" he asked, running his hand through his hair, looking like he'd rather be having multiple root canals while Layla gave him a manicure then have this conversation.

"Fifteen weeks" Claire admitted, squeezing her eyes shut. Fifteen weeks!? That was almost four months.

Claire hadn't gone tanning, like she normally would have but she dismissed it as not wanting to waste good money, she had declined on going on any roller coasters when they visited a local theme park, except for the kiddy rides with Layla, dismissing it as having a migraine. And she hadn't touched a drop of alcohol, although Claire wasn't an alcoholic but he had often walked into the apartment building, and his first glance of Claire was standing in the kitchen, stirring something on the stove with a faraway look in her eyes while she sipped from a glass of white wine.

Now all of this clicked inside his head, how she insisted on wearing a t-shirt the last few times they had fooled around. He remembered arguing so heatedly with her about it one night that she icily informed him she wasn't in the mood anymore.

"God, Claire where you planning on telling me at all?" was the accusatory sentence he flung at her when he had regained the ability to speak.

"Well it's obvious I should have done it sooner but can you blame me?" she asked, her voice ragged. He looked at her, really looked at her for the first time in weeks. Her belly looked a bit bigger, her upper arms were a bit more fleshed out and two dark bags were prominently displayed under her usually bright eyes. "It's been eating away at me Sawyer"

"And what is that supposed to mean?" he asked, on the defensive.

"Well I knew you would freak, just like your freaking now" she said, crossing her arms across her chest. "Do you really think I wanted this to happen Sawyer, I guessed you probably weren't ready. But do you think I wanted to be that woman, the one with three different kids from three different men?" she asked, her eyes filling up with tears.

"I need to go" he said standing up abruptly.

"Sawyer, don't leave. Not right now. Come on, let's talk about this" she pleaded, standing up as well and following him out into the living room. "I really need you right now"

For a second she thought he was going to stay, but then he caught sight of Layla and Aaron staring blankly on from their spot on the sofa, and swung the door shut just in time to hear Claire give into tears.

--

To be honest, he had been hoping for some kind of revelation. Like in the movies. The doubting hero, returns to a place that caused him great happiness only to find the answer to his problem. Well here he was at Finely Park. Claire the kids and he had been here just last week. Layla and tripped and skinned her knee, and cried for about a minute before getting back on the swing set. And Aaron and Claire had gone down the big twisty slide with Aaron seated on her lap about twenty times while he had pushed Layla on the swings, each time she ordered him to go higher and higher, and oh not that high, as he pretended to he was about to give her an under duck.

He was seated on a bench, just waiting for a little boy and his father to run by playing Frisbee or something like that. Anything. He just needed a sign. Something to show him that he was capable to do this. He could be a father, a real one. One who went to dance recitals and ball games. So far the chances didn't look good. In his mind he would always be the guy who failed to meet expectations. For a second, things looked up when a man with an overcoat, news paper and a little boy with an unfortunate bowl cut turned up. But the man sat on the bench across from him, and read his paper while his son sat silent on a teeter-totter by himself. Not exactly inspiring.

It had been three and a half days since he had talked to Claire. Yesterday she had left a rambling message on his machine that went from maudlin, to desperate to angry, and finally back to sloppily sentimental. He only made it to desperate before he tore the cord of the wall and flung the electronic across the room.

He didn't know what he was expecting. It was a Thursday afternoon; most of the fathers would be a work. All he really saw was mothers. One was trying to push three kids on the swings at once. There was always one that ended up losing their momentum. The woman only had so many arms. A young mother looked on wearily, as her toddler punched her shins, in full-on tantrum mode. They looked milky and uptight. And no wonder, these kids were needy and whiny. But weren't all kids?

Sawyer was stuck with a mental picture of a hassled looking Claire, carting around three kids, shouting instructions, with the same defeated look on her face that these women wore. He whipped out his bruised and battered cell phone and punched in the familiar numbers. It rang four times before the machine picked up. "We're not home right now, or we might not be answering because we don't like you" "Layla!" he hear Claire's tinny voice in the background reprimand. "What? Mommy that's what you do with your aunt-" the message abruptly stopped and the beep sounded in his ear. He hung up, a faint smile on his face. He remembered that day. They had made cookies and Layla insisted on watching Pocahontas twice in a row. In an attempt for Claire to bribe her out of watching it a third time, Claire allowed her to record the message for the answer machine. And that's how they got that semi-insulting gem for a message. He wondered if he was one of the undesirable people like Claire's Aunt Susie now. He stuffed her phone in his pocket, standing up from the bench and retreating back to his truck.

Something else had happened that day, when he was reading Layla one of her Barbie picture books; she had sleepily muttered "Love you, Daddy". He had brushed it off at the moment it was uttered, he hadn't even told Claire.

As he turned the keys in the ignition, a thought struck him. All these past days he was wondering if he had the right stuff to be a father. He had never realized that maybe he already was.

--

He tried the buzzer one more time. "Claire, please" he muttered into the speaker. "Claire, I'm ready for this. I know it. I was thinking at the park and-"he stopped, he didn't want to pour his heart out to an empty apartment, or even worse, an eager Layla with her ear pressed up against the speaker. "If your there please let me up"

Silence.

As a last ditch attempt, he whipped out his phone and dialed the number for Claire's cell. It rang twice before she picked up.

"Hello?" He was so relieved that she picked up, he didn't even realize her voice was different. Harder sounding, her accent was missing.

"Claire, liste-"

"Sawyer, this is Shannon, not Claire"

"Oh. Well is Claire staying with you guys or something?" he asked desperately.

"No, sweetie"

Shannon had never thought he was a "sweetie" before usually it was something like "No, asshole". He removed the phone from his ear and actually looked at it confused.

"Sawyer, something's happened. We're at the hospital. You need to get here now. Sawyer" the phone fell out of his hand just as he heard Shannon's strong voice crack.


	16. Flour

A/N: Hey guys, thanks so much for the 9 reviews! WOO! Thanks especially to girlwhowrites, who was a fellow ConMamian at L-F. I reccommend everyone to go read 'Six' by her, quite possibly the best lost fic, I've ever read. Okay so this is the second last chapter and quite a few of you will probably be pissed off at me, but I guarentee that all will be well. So please read and review!

Chapter 16: Flour

The waiting room smells strongly of antiseptic. Layla is curled up on Shannon's lap. Her silvery blonde hair strewn across her shoulder. She's sleeping fitfully, making little whimpers and groans. When he first arrived, his heart was beating frantically. Shannon pulled him aside to explain it all, including the fact that the kids were upset, Layla especially had her heart set out for a little sister.

Claire had been at the grocery store. She needed flour; she had promised Layla she'd make a cake for her favorite Barbie Lola's birthday. She shouldn't have tried to lift they heavy bag on her own. One of the angsty teenage clerks should have been there, or better yet Sawyer should have been there. She went to bed when she got home, trying to will the bleeding to stop. But it didn't. She tried to call Sawyer, but he had been on a park bench with his cell phone turned off, she turned to her best friend instead.

Twelve and a half minutes after he stormed into the room, they allowed him into see her. Her hair was tied back in a sloppy braid, and her skin pale and waxy. She had her eyes closed. She looked just like a porcelain doll, fragile. Sawyer almost didn't touch her; afraid she would shatter into a million pieces.

But he couldn't help it. The guttural need to touch her was too strong. He traced his calloused fingertips across her cheekbone. And her eyes fluttered open. "Sawyer" she said, attempting to smile but the corners of her lips tilted down, and her eyes were brimming with tears, so the affect of it was lost on him.

He sat down on the hospital bed, and she sat up, wrapping her arms tightly around him. "I'm so sorry" he whispered, Claire felt his hot tears in her hair, and only held him tighter.

"Not your fault, love. I knew I shouldn't have picked it up. I don't know, I was pissed off, and thought I could do everything myself" she said wiping a tear away.

"I should have been there though Claire" he said, she swallowed a lump in her throat, and his hands cupped her face gently. He kissed her lightly. "When I called your cell, I had been waiting outside of your place"

Claire looked surprised at his words. "What are you trying to say?" she asked, letting out a shaky breath and trying to keep hold of her composure.

"I was ready, I wanted it" this sounded wrong. It, sounded so inhuman. "I wanted the baby" he clarified, moving his hand to rest on her belly.

This simple gesture proved to be too much for Claire and she rested her head on his broad shoulder and allowed herself to let out the sobs she had kept inside all day. Her hot tears pricked through the thin material of his t-shirt and when Claire wearily lifts her head, she humiliated to see a string of snot, but he gently takes her face in his hands and kisses her softly. "It doesn't matter" he says, thickly. Claire's not used to this kind of caring Sawyer, but she takes solace in him, she lays down on the bed, suddenly inexplicably sleepy. She's lured to sleep by his rumbly voice and his hands rubbing her back. The last thing she hears is "Fuck, Claire. I'm sorry" his urgent apologies, and the pleading tone of his voice is what lulls her back to sleep.

Claire knows it's wrong, but she finds comfort in the fact that maybe someone else is as heartbroken as she is.

--

Once she's fast asleep, looking like an angel, he leaves the room. Retreating once again to the waiting space. Shannon is kneeling on the floor by the brightly colored kiddy table and coloring with Layla. Her baby bump is just noticeable and Sawyer can't help but feel a small stab of envy. Sawyer plops down on the uncomfortable vinyl chair next to Aaron. The young boy is blinking rapidly, trying to stay awake. Sawyer watches, feeling the first real smile come on his face as Aaron drops his head and snaps it back up. "You know, you are allowed to sleep buddy" Aaron nodded, with a shy smile. "It's hard, the lights hurt my eyes" Sawyer looked up at the fluorescent light, dotted with the occasional bug. "Yeah" he said lamely, before reaching over and grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair and lightly draping it over Aaron.

--

A while later, he feels Layla crawl up on his lap. She regards him seriously, with her pigtails, sticky fingers and the smell of honeysuckle; she makes Sawyer's heart ache. She leans against his chest and asks him the question he's been asking himself ever since he got here. "Why weren't you there?"

He feels Shannon's piercing gaze on him. He knows what she's thinking. 'How is he going to get himself out of this one?' He lets out a big breath. "I got scared, Layla" this makes the four year old look up and immediately, wraps her soft, doughy arms around his neck. "What was that for?" he asked, furrowing his brow. "That's what Mommy does when I get scared of the monster living in the toaster oven" this makes Sawyer smile.

--

Claire ordered for him to take the kids home. They were silent the whole way home. After he got them changed into their pajamas and into their respective beds. He flopped down on Claire's bed. He regarded her pillow for a good half an hour, when he felt the bed shift and saw Layla climbing in bed with him. "I got scared" she said honestly and Sawyer smiled. "Well whaddya doing here kid?" she giggled, putting up a chubby hand to cover her mouth. "Is that a dimple I see?" he asked, poking her cheek. She continued to giggle noisily. Sawyer heard feet padding on the floor and sure enough Aaron showed himself, as he walked hesitantly in the bedroom before taking his spot on the bed next to his sister. They entertained each other late into the night with corny jokes, and one of Layla's infamous puppet shows which consisted of the main characters her right hand and left hand. At around two in the morning, they had forgotten enough to ensure them a good night's sleep. Sawyer had one thought before he gave into sleep, that he was forced to push out of his mind, or else he would torture himself for a few more hours at least.

Claire would have loved this.

--

At the hospital Claire woke up. Sleepily disoriented, she looked around the strange room and found herself starting to panic. Where was she? In this strange room with the sterile smell of cleaner. It took her a moment to remember. She should be at her house in bed with Sawyer. Then Claire got a whiff of something familiar and felt someone shift next to her. The perfume burned her nostrils and as she flipped over on her side she saw Shannon sprawled out on the bed next to her. Claire felt herself smile, as she reached for her best friend's hand.

--

"Are you okay? I mean do you want to lie down?" he asks anxiously, as they walk through the door to the apartment.

"Sawyer, I'm fine" she said with a wide smile. "It just feels nice to be home".

For the rest of the day Sawyer bossed her around, telling her to sit down. Asking her where she was going when she got up to use the bathroom. Claire found it sweet but it grew tiring after awhile. She was a grown woman, and she wasn't use to Sawyer acting like this.

Later on in the evening when they crawled into Claire's bed together and Sawyer wrapped his arms around Claire's stomach. She wiggled away from his grasp and flipped over on her side to face him. "Hi" he said tracing a finger down her cheekbone. A silence enveloped the pair, and it took until Claire's eyelids started to flutter for Sawyer to work up the nerve "Claire, I know you won't be up for it right away. But in awhile do you maybe want to try again?" he asked reluctantly. Claire furrowed her brow, not quite believing this. Had she fallen asleep, she pinched her arm and winced. Nope, she was awake.

She leaned over and gently pressed her lips over his. "Who are you and what did you do to my boyfriend?" she asked with a small smile.

"Maybe I'm just seeing how quick I can get into your pants?" he suggested with a roguish grin.

Claire laughed, picking up her pillow and whacking him playfully with it. "That's more like it".


	17. Christmas Eve

A/N: This is it my last hurrah, while I truthfully finished this chapter in August I guess it's now better suited. Please don't mind this overly fluffy chapter, I'm a sucker for a happy ending.

Chapter 17: Christmas Eve

He watched as her blonde hair blew around in her face, one hand rested confidently on the steering wheel, while her other arm dangled out of the car window. He would have preferred if both of her hands were on the wheel, since her driving rivaled Earnhardt's. She pressed her foot further down on pedal, and he watched with horror as the speedometer continued to rise. "Love, maybe slow down a little" he requested, as she passed a mini-van, the driver and the passenger staring at them with terror all over their faces.

"Oh come on" She said turning her head towards him, her big blue eyes sparkling, as she batted a few off her long lashes with a grin on her face. "You know, that has no effect on me" he bit out.

"That's not what you said last time" she teased in a sing-song voice but slowed down considerably. She turned to face him "Happy now?" she asked exaggeratedly like a petulant four year old.

"Nope, still scared shitless" he answered, glancing out the window as the mini van was making a valiant effort to catch up to them.

"Of my driving?" she asked, innocently.

His only response was a withering glance, and she giggled happily. "Oh come on, Princess" she said patronizingly, looking at him pointedly. "My dad's not that bad"

"Oh yeah, he only glared at me last time 99.9 percent of the time. Those dimples aren't fooling me!" he said, crossing his arms across his broad chest while she laughed loudly.

"I'll protect you, baby" she said glancing at him and making kiss-y noises at him, while he looked on, not impressed.

"Yeah well, that might be a good idea, considering last time I was just your boyfriend. Now I'm your fiancée" he said.

Layla Littleton only smiled broadly, slipping on her sunglasses and pressing her foot down on the pedal again, the speedometer whizzing upwards once again. Carrying them towards home. The pull in her heart and the pressure in her foot pressing the gas down was the same; she knew she was almost there. And Jordan's nagging wasn't going to affect her. When it came to getting home, Layla was never, ever going to slow down.

--

"I'm home!" Layla called, stepping into the door of the boiling house on Maple Drive. One would never have guessed this was her dad's former bachelor pad. Flower boxes hang from the windows, and a porch swing sits on the new deck that Dad and Aaron had built last summer.

"Layla!" her mom launched herself at her oldest daughter. "Mom god, take that sweater off" Layla said untucking a reindeer wooly sweater. "One, it's like a bazillion degrees" she stated yanking the sweater over her Mom's head "Two, this sweater is a fashion tragedy"

"I missed you love" she said, laying her hand on Layla's soft cheek, and giving it an affectionate pinch.

Layla smiled, and glanced at Jordan, her fiancée who Claire had now moved on to, hugging him tightly and warning him about her father's mood today. Apparently he had gotten into a one-sided fight with the Christmas lights.

She walked into her old bedroom, smiling at the cut-out pictures of boys that adorned her side of the room. And plopped down on the bed, where her younger sister Olivia (affectionately known as Ollie) was fast asleep, a university text book- more specifically about statistics was balanced on her stomach and a highlighter was on the floor. Layla snuggled closer to her sister, and Ollie opened her clear blue eyes and smiled brightly.

Teagan wondered in, shaking her bangs out of her face. Before collapsing on the bed next to them. Ollie was eighteen, in her first year of Uni. And Teagen was the child most likely to follow in Layla's rebellious footsteps. She saw a lot of herself in her youngest sister. Including her Barbie collection that now sat in the back of Teagan's closet. If Jamie, her little brother took after Aaron, then Teagen took after her.

Layla knew five kids could be confusing. And it was. Her older brother Aaron had surprisingly married right out of college; he was a middle school teacher and his wife Amber had had a baby last year, it was a boy named Timmy. Well actually it was Timothy and Aaron grew cross whenever Layla called him Timmy or Tiny Tim.

Layla was twenty-two, and had landed herself a very prominent job of playing Emberlynn on Restless Hearts, an Australian soap. She played a crafty, spoiled brat trying to weasel her way between her mother and step-father since he was loaded. Her story line distressed her own father greatly and he rarely watched. But Teagan and Ollie watched every single day in support of Layla and maybe as a guilty pleasure as well.

Ollie was the brain. She was in her first year of med school and secretly dating Sayid and Shannon's gorgeous son, Adam. He had inherited his dad's dark eyes and Shannon's good fashion sense. If she were only a bit younger then he would have to look out.

Teagan was a typical teenager. Sweet as sugar one moment and then bitchy as all get out the next. Claire often blamed Teagan for her graying hair, which she hid with a box of Clairol every couple of months.

And Jamie was a sweetheart, quiet and shy and spent almost too much time with her father and his namesake. This probably didn't bode well in his coming teenage years. Jamie was fourteen, just on the brink. And she was sure her Dad was passing around some secrets and tricks that her Mother would not approve of.

And speaking of which, a tall man with a weathered face and short gray hair walked into the room and wearily smiled when he saw three blonde beauties sprawled out on the bed, legs overlapping, Ollie's t-shirt riding up to expose a few good inches of her belly, while Layla was busy tickling her sister's bare tummy and Teagen was trying not to get jostled off the bed by the jerky movements that Ollie was making trying to get away from her sister.

After the commotion died down some, Teagen hugged her legs up to her chest which made enough room for her dad to sit down on the creaky old bed. "I see you brought Mr. Ripped Jeans, Susan Lucci" he said to Layla and she rolled her eyes, scooting over to her dad. His favorite pastime was teasing her about her acting.

"Hi Daddy" she said planting a slobbery kiss on his forehead. Which he wiped away with a look of only slight disgust on his face. "Now, I want you to remove the stick firmly lodged up your ass that years of working in the library has only pushed it further in, and give Jordan a chance."

Teagan gave a gleeful cackle and Sawyer only rolled his eyes, "Dinner's almost ready" before standing up and disappearing off to the kitchen.

--

After Aaron's arrival, a dinner so big that Layla unbuttoned her pants, and three bottles of wine Layla had finally worked up the courage to tell everyone their big news. She glanced at Jordan seated beside her. He still looked like he was about to throw up any second. Apparently it was going to take him considerably longer for him to work up the courage. Oh well, too bad for him.

"So Daddy" she said draining the rest of her wine glass. "I have some news" his eyes immediately narrowed. "We're engaged!" she shouted, in her typical loud, drama queen way.

Excited noises were heard all around the wide table, mismatched chairs moving in to accommodate the big family, which also included Shannon and Sayid, and Adam of course, who Ollie had been discreetly staring at all night.

"Congratulations, Monkey" Claire said leaning across part of the table to plant a big smacking kiss on Layla's cheek and then on Jordan's. Layla barely had time to register her mother using her embarrassing pet name. She put her arm around Jamie, who was sitting on the other side of her, and he leaned his head against her shoulder as she breathed in his familiar teenage boy smell, which was basically an overdose of Axe.

"I guess that makes me Mrs. Ripped Jeans, right Daddy?" she said innocently before winking.

"Good luck with this one" He said, looking right past her to Jordan. "Seriously, you'll need it"

"I think you should take offense to that, Ma" Aaron said, with a bouncy baby boy on his knee, who was reaching aggressively for the pepper shaker.

Claire smirked. "Oh, I'll get him back for that. Don't you worry".

Teasing words were passed around the table but Layla couldn't hear them. She was too busy staring at her mother. With her wide blue eyes and flushed face it seemed like not too long ago when they shared that crowded apartment, although all Layla had left of that time was hazy memories, not quite wrong or right, just fragments that needed to be pieced together in order to tell the whole story.

Layla felt herself smile. It wasn't very uncommon to hear that a young woman's most important person in her life was her mother, but that was the case for Layla. No matter how cliché that might be, facts couldn't be disputed. Claire had a quiet, incredible strength and Layla really admired and even envied. Because she knew no part of her would ever be quiet.

Apparently Jordan had been paying attention to the conversation. "So how did you two meet?" he asked and Layla grinned. She had told him that they didn't really know each other on the island and when Jordan asked how they got together she just shot him a knowing smile and had said that it was complicated.

Sawyer grinned "She seduced me"

Claire furrowed her eyebrows together "Oh please, I seduced you?"

"Of course you did. You initiated the relationship" he said crossing his arms across his chest.

Aaron grinned, Timmy still valiantly trying to reach the peppershaker. Ollie took a brief intermission of googily-eying Adam in order to roll her eyes. And Teagan muttered "Here we go again". Jamie considered Jordan with serious grey eyes. "You don't know what you've started mate" was his warning.

"Uh, I hate to refresh your memory, Cowboy" she said the last word pointedly. Layla never questioned her mother on that nickname in case there was some sort of kinkiness behind it. She felt in that case, she'd be better not knowing if her Mom and Dad role-played cowboys and cowgirls. "But you kissed me first" she said jabbing her finger in his direction.

"Yeah, but that wasn't when we got together was it?" he argued back.

"Okay!" Layla interrupted, holding up her hand. This could go on for awhile yet, and someone needed to break it up. "Jordan, my mom met this bloke on the island of course" Layla had explained to him about the plane crash when they first started dating "and then they met again a few years after, Mom stupidly asked him over for dinner. And one thing kind of led to another. And now is that so hard?" she asked her parents, exasperatedly.

Claire laughed and elbowed Sawyer in the ribs. "Okay, men are doing the dishes tonight" she said pointedly "Jordan is exempted since he's a guest. And of course Sayid and Adam, don't you dare move."

"Uh, I'm a guest too!" Aaron said passing Timmy off to Amber, who often stayed quiet at these dinners, seemingly overwhelmed by the family dynamic.

"Ha, yeah right. I gave birth to you, on the muddy ground with no meds, no epidural" Claire said, waving him off with her hand "You my love are no guest"

Aaron sighed resignedly and joined his father and little brother at the sink.

Claire scooted over to a few seats and started talking enthusiastically to Shannon. And Sayid managed to distract Ollie from his son long enough to ask her about uni. Teagan was holding Tim; her normal crankiness was replaced by a sweet look, while she tenderly played with his fingers. Jordan watched her amazed. "Wow your sister actually looks nice" he whispered in her ear, and she rolled her eyes and nudged him. "Shut it, Tea's a sweetheart, really" she whispered back.

But she knew what it was like for him. It was hard to join a family that was already so close. She glanced at Amber who had cautiously joined in Claire and Shannon's conversation. But he'd fit in eventually. She stood up, pushing in her chair before joining the three men at the sink. "Take a scouring pad to that pan, men" she said, ruffling Jamie's hair and went to walk to past her dad and Aaron. She felt a hand catch her around the waist. She turned around and saw Aaron looking at her with a broad smile. "Congratulations little sister" he said. And Layla grinned, throwing her arms around her tall brother's neck. She squeezed him tightly. Sometimes Layla saw him and she still saw the same sullen, quiet blonde boy he was when he was six. But somewhere along 8th grade, he shot up like a weed, he let his hair get a little shaggier and soon, he was fighting girls off with a stick.

She pulled away and studied him with bright eyes, "Thank you big brother".

--

The sleeping arrangements were varied. She and Jordan were on the air mattress in Aaron's room. When Tim started to fuss at One O'clock, she motioned for Aaron and Amber to stay in bed. Instead she picked him up gingerly, cooing softly. She walked out to the living room, and smiled seeing her Mom and Dad, putting the last couple presents under the fake tree, that was decorated with the embarrassing homemade ornaments that had been collected through the years. "Oh no!" Layla gasped breathily "Does this mean Santa doesn't exist?"

Claire laughed and Sawyer rolled his eyes, "Always the drama queen". Layla fetched the diaper bag, taking out a soft flannel blanket and spreading it on the floor, before gently setting Tim down. She felt her mother walk by and smooth Layla's tousled hair down with her hand. She also felt it when her Dad followed after her mom, seeing as he pinched her arm as she was trying change Tim's diaper.

Assuming they had gone to bed, Layla went on changing the diaper, gently sprinkling some baby powder. "You're a beautiful baby boy, yes you are" she said aiming for the bin with the dirty diaper and got it in. "Nothing but net, Timmy" she said picking up his tiny feet and playing with his toes before pressing the bottoms of his feet against her chest. "You're a good boy, Tim. Hopefully you'll turn out just like your daddy. He's one of my most favorite people, Tiny Tim" she confessed using his forbidden nickname.

Layla heard a sound behind her and turned around. "Oh gross!" she said loudly, at the sight of her parents making out against the door of their bedroom. "I know, you love each other, blah blah blah. But don't make out right in front of me, yeah?" Layla said, shuddering. "Night, love" Claire said ignoring Layla's outburst. "Sweet dreams, Drama Queen" was uttered teasingly by her father, who very maturely stuck out his tongue at her.

Timmy was now very quiet, looking at her with big blue eyes. "Come on, Mr." she said, lifting him up carefully. She poked her head in Teagen and Ollie's room. Teagen was snoring like it was going out of style, and Ollie was sleeping with her pillow over her head. The next room showcased Jamie, his face flushed, sleeping shirtless, and his leg trailing off the bed like a half-finished thought. Aaron and Amber curled up together tightly, while Jordan slept on deeply.

Layla didn't hear any suspicious noises coming from her parent's room and knocked gingerly. "Come in" she heard her mother call and Layla opened the door, Her mum was in a matronly nightgown combing her hair out, and her father was already under the covers. Layla crawled up on the bed, and sat in-between their pillows. Her mother joined her a moment later, she smelled of peaches, as always, as she took Tim from her arms. She glanced at her Dad who was staring at her intently. "When did you grow up?" he asked and she laughed, leaning her head on his shoulder. Layla knew she was always the most affectionate of their kids.

She felt his calloused fingers combing through her hair, gingerly. "I have a question for you guys" she said with her eyes shut. "Any advice?" she asked "You know for me and Jordan".

Claire considered this. "Pick your battles" was her piece of advice and Layla snorted. "Yeah right, you guys argue about everything". Claire grinned, "But sometimes I let him win" and Sawyer opened his mouth and then closed it. "See, Layla" he said with a smirk "This is me picking my battle"

A moment later Sawyer glanced at her, looking surprisingly serious "Thing I've learned is that you can't be a dickhead all the time. Sometimes you need to think of the other person, before yourself" Sawyer heaved a sigh, running his hand through his hair, like he couldn't get out what he quite wanted to say "After we lost the baby, I was scared that your mom wouldn't want me anymore. But she did, she was just as scared as I was. You can't just run away. It never solves anything"

Layla nodded and then reached for Tim, as her mom handed him off to her, as she took in her father's warbled piece of advice. She paused at the doorway studying the pair for a moment. Even though they were complete opposites and skeptics (Mainly Sayid) thought they could never work, they did. All because they didn't bullshit with each other, they were honest and mostly because they loved each other. They loved hard. Some cynics would tell you that love wasn't enough, but Layla had always been a romantic and looking at the two of them, she knew that it would always be enough.

"Merry Christmas" She said with a smile, and stared at them with soft eyes for a moment before she turned on her heel, heading towards Aaron's bedroom, where she would set Tim down in his crib, lay down next to Jordan and curl into him. Whether her acting soared or crashed and burned, whether they had 10 kids or none, or whether they were married 100 years or considerably less, Layla would try and love this man, a fraction of what her parents loved each other.

And if she could, she knew they would be okay.

--

Open close me, leave your secrets with me,  
I can ease your pain,  
And my arms will be just like walls around you,  
Come in from the rain,  
If you're running in the wrong direction,  
I will lead you there,

When you're lost in the dark,  
When you're out in the cold,  
When you're looking for something that resembles your soul,  
When the wind blows your house of cards,  
I'll be a home to your homeless heart,

Broken, shattered like a mirror in a million pieces,  
Sooner or later you've got to find, something,  
Someone to save you,

THE END

A/N- So, that's it. The song is by Amanda Stott (Paper Rain by her is quite possible my favorite ConMama-ish song) and I just want to thank everyone who read and reviewed and liked this story, once again. Thank you. Now please, review. Hahaha. No really.


End file.
